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The Definitive Ranking Of Facial Hair

All beards are not created equal.

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19.

Not a great look. Dangerously close to a neckbeard, which should be avoided at all costs.

Not a great look. Dangerously close to a neckbeard, which should be avoided at all costs.

18.

Beards aren't a right, they're a privilege. Don't half-ass it.

Beards aren't a right, they're a privilege. Don't half-ass it.

17.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

16.

Somehow not as bad as a soul patch, but still tremendously awful.

Somehow not as bad as a soul patch, but still tremendously awful.

15.

No. Stop that.

No. Stop that.

14.

Are you a magician? Yeah, didn't think so.

Are you a magician? Yeah, didn't think so.

13.

Unless you're an actual mountain man, avoid this. You'll just look silly.

Unless you're an actual mountain man, avoid this. You'll just look silly.

12.

Pretty high on the badass scale, if you can pull it off.

Pretty high on the badass scale, if you can pull it off.

11.

Not everyone can grow a beard, and not everyone wants to. Respect where respect is due.

Not everyone can grow a beard, and not everyone wants to. Respect where respect is due.

10.

Ironic hipsters have sort of stolen this look, but that doesn't detract from its overall awesomeness.

Ironic hipsters have sort of stolen this look, but that doesn't detract from its overall awesomeness.

9.

Awesome choice, if you're a 1970s porn star.

Awesome choice, if you're a 1970s porn star.

8.

Difficult to achieve, but majestic and regal.

Difficult to achieve, but majestic and regal.

7.

Long ass beards require commitment. It's a way of life, and they deserve respect.

Long ass beards require commitment. It's a way of life, and they deserve respect.

6.

A respectable choice for stepdads everywhere.

A respectable choice for stepdads everywhere.

5.

Hey, it worked for Ethan Hawke in the '90s.

Hey, it worked for Ethan Hawke in the '90s.

4.

With the right attitude, chunky sideburns are killer.

With the right attitude, chunky sideburns are killer.

3.

*ovaries explode*

*ovaries explode*

2.

Classic. Beautiful. God bless.

Classic. Beautiful. God bless.

1.

The culmination of life's work. Plus magic spells.

The culmination of life's work. Plus magic spells.

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