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8 Ways Getting A Cat Totally Wrecks Your Life

The cold hard truth about cat ownership, brought to you by BuzzFeed artist Adam Ellis. (Presented by BuzzFeed BFF.)

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A couple years ago I got the wild idea that I was responsible enough to get a cat. Looking back, this was a foolish notion, but I am now a cat owner and there's no turning back. What I've learned is that cats wreck your life (in the best way possible). Here's how:

1. All your money will literally vanish.

Thought you wouldn’t drunkenly decide your cat needs a $150 bed shaped like a castle at 2 AM? Think again. Having a cat is like having a kid, only your cat won't say thank you. It might even throw up on the gift you gave it. (...Actually, kids do that too. Nevermind.)
Adam Ellis

Thought you wouldn’t drunkenly decide your cat needs a $150 bed shaped like a castle at 2 AM? Think again. Having a cat is like having a kid, only your cat won't say thank you. It might even throw up on the gift you gave it. (...Actually, kids do that too. Nevermind.)

2. You'll never be able to write an important email again.

You better have a job already, because you can forget trying to draft a cover letter when there's a cat around. Get ready for all of your emails to sound like they were written by a child wearing mittens.
Adam Ellis

You better have a job already, because you can forget trying to draft a cover letter when there's a cat around. Get ready for all of your emails to sound like they were written by a child wearing mittens.

3. Your food will no longer actually be your food.

It doesn't matter what kind of fancy organic holistic bullshit you buy your cat, because it will only want what you have. It doesn't matter what it is. The only way your cat will prefer actual cat food is for you to be eating cat food.
Adam Ellis

It doesn't matter what kind of fancy organic holistic bullshit you buy your cat, because it will only want what you have. It doesn't matter what it is. The only way your cat will prefer actual cat food is for you to be eating cat food.

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4. You can say goodbye to sleeping in. Ever.

Here are the times cats want to eat: 1. Right as you're about to fall asleep. 2. Right after you've fallen asleep and you've just started having a really great dream about Idris Elba. 3. Right when the sun is peaking through your blinds and you've briefly woken up and you're super cozy and all you wanna do is burrow deeper under the covers and drift back to sleep but OH HEY, LOOK, SOMEONE NEEDS TUNA TREATS IMMEDIATELY.
Adam Ellis

Here are the times cats want to eat: 1. Right as you're about to fall asleep. 2. Right after you've fallen asleep and you've just started having a really great dream about Idris Elba. 3. Right when the sun is peaking through your blinds and you've briefly woken up and you're super cozy and all you wanna do is burrow deeper under the covers and drift back to sleep but OH HEY, LOOK, SOMEONE NEEDS TUNA TREATS IMMEDIATELY.

5. You'll never have privacy again.

But hey, maybe you're into having an audience. No judgements. Just remember that your cat knows exactly what you're doing, and it's judging you. You know that one trick you always do that you think is a total showstopper? Your cat can do that too, and it's not impressed with your flexibility.
Adam Ellis

But hey, maybe you're into having an audience. No judgements. Just remember that your cat knows exactly what you're doing, and it's judging you. You know that one trick you always do that you think is a total showstopper? Your cat can do that too, and it's not impressed with your flexibility.

6. Your phone's storage will never know peace.

Look, I get it. Something about having a pet messes with your brain and you start to truly believe you need 700 close-up, slightly out of focus shots of your animal. You don't, but you're a lost cause. Better to trade in for a phone with more storage. Also take an amateur photography class or something because if you're going to plaster cat photos all over your Instagram they better be properly staged and have nice mood lighting.
Adam Ellis

Look, I get it. Something about having a pet messes with your brain and you start to truly believe you need 700 close-up, slightly out of focus shots of your animal. You don't, but you're a lost cause. Better to trade in for a phone with more storage. Also take an amateur photography class or something because if you're going to plaster cat photos all over your Instagram they better be properly staged and have nice mood lighting.

7. Cat hair will take over your life.

No matter how hard you try, you will be covered in cat hair all the time. Even if you think you've gotten rid of it with one of those sticky roller things your mom buys in bulk at Costco, you haven't. The only thing you can do is get rid of all your clothes and buy all new outfits in the exact same color as your cat.
Adam Ellis

No matter how hard you try, you will be covered in cat hair all the time. Even if you think you've gotten rid of it with one of those sticky roller things your mom buys in bulk at Costco, you haven't. The only thing you can do is get rid of all your clothes and buy all new outfits in the exact same color as your cat.

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8. You have to stare at a butthole like 17 times a day.

It's like, enough, cat. You don't need to show me your butthole that much. I'm sure you're very proud of it, but there's a time and a place. Damn.
Adam Ellis

It's like, enough, cat. You don't need to show me your butthole that much. I'm sure you're very proud of it, but there's a time and a place. Damn.

9. So what's good about getting a cat? There's really only one reason. If you get a cat, you can finally shoot that All The Single Kitties parody video.

Other potential cat videos: America's Next Top Cat Model, The Catchelor, The Real Housecats of My Living Room, and 17 Cats and Counting.Also, I guess cats offer you love and companionship, or something. The verdict is still out on that.
Adam Ellis

Other potential cat videos: America's Next Top Cat Model, The Catchelor, The Real Housecats of My Living Room, and 17 Cats and Counting.

Also, I guess cats offer you love and companionship, or something. The verdict is still out on that.

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