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    Posted on Jul 3, 2014

    Stupid Low Calorie Dinner Ideas That Reflect What Eating Healthy Actually Feels Like

    Step one: Cry.

    Detoxifying Dinner Salad

    Adam Ellis / Via ABC




    Grab a small handful of spinach leaves and eat them while watching a show about cupcakes on The Food Network. Your tears will season the spinach.

    Sun-dried Tomato Surpise

    Adam Ellis / Via BBC



    The sun

    Gently hold a tomato in your hands and stare at the sun until both you and the tomato shrivels up. Delicious pizza awaits you in death.

    Low-cal Taco Party

    Adam Ellis / Via 20th Century Fox


    Just a bean

    When the company you work for orders tacos for lunch, limit yourself to a single pinto bean. Ask one of your co-workers who isn't on a diet to breathe their sour cream breath on your succulent bean.

    Tasty Chia Seed Snacks

    Adam Ellis / Via FOX


    Magic Spells

    Chia Seeds

    Before going to bed, sprinkle chia seeds around your bed to keep food nightmares away. In the morning, burn your next door neighbor for being a witch. See if she has any Snickers bars in her pantry and eat as many as you can before the cops show up.

    Sensible Milkshake Indulgence

    Adam Ellis / Via



    Ice Cream

    Full Fat Whipped Cream

    Maraschino Cherries

    Blend the milk and ice cream, top with whipped cream and cherry. Give the milkshake to a neighborhood orphan and insist that they make eye contact with you while they consume it. Go home and eat steamed cauliflower in silence.

    Cookie Party For One

    Adam Ellis / Via CBS



    Fill a picnic basket with butter cookies, but don't eat them yet. Wander into the woods and leave a trail of cookie crumbs to find your way home. In the forest, ponder your existence. Ah, but what's this? 500 years have passed. Mankind is extinct. Eat a cookie — it's your cheat day!

    The Seafood Diet

    Adam Ellis / Via Disney



    You don't need food, food is for humans! You're a mermaid now. Eat slime. Lick algae off rocks. There are no calories and it's loaded with beta carotene. Lose weight. Marry a prince. Your best friend is a fish.

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