Stupid Low Calorie Dinner Ideas That Reflect What Eating Healthy Actually Feels Like

Step one: Cry.

1. Detoxifying Dinner Salad


Grab a small handful of spinach leaves and eat them while watching a show about cupcakes on The Food Network. Your tears will season the spinach.

Adam Ellis / Via ABC

2. Sun-dried Tomato Surpise

The sun

Gently hold a tomato in your hands and stare at the sun until both you and the tomato shrivels up. Delicious pizza awaits you in death.

Adam Ellis / Via BBC

3. Low-cal Taco Party

Just a bean

When the company you work for orders tacos for lunch, limit yourself to a single pinto bean. Ask one of your co-workers who isn’t on a diet to breathe their sour cream breath on your succulent bean.

Adam Ellis / Via 20th Century Fox

4. Tasty Chia Seed Snacks

Magic Spells
Chia Seeds

Before going to bed, sprinkle chia seeds around your bed to keep food nightmares away. In the morning, burn your next door neighbor for being a witch. See if she has any Snickers bars in her pantry and eat as many as you can before the cops show up.

Adam Ellis / Via FOX

5. Sensible Milkshake Indulgence

Ice Cream
Full Fat Whipped Cream
Maraschino Cherries

Blend the milk and ice cream, top with whipped cream and cherry. Give the milkshake to a neighborhood orphan and insist that they make eye contact with you while they consume it. Go home and eat steamed cauliflower in silence.

Adam Ellis / Via

6. Cookie Party For One


Fill a picnic basket with butter cookies, but don’t eat them yet. Wander into the woods and leave a trail of cookie crumbs to find your way home. In the forest, ponder your existence. Ah, but what’s this? 500 years have passed. Mankind is extinct. Eat a cookie — it’s your cheat day!

Adam Ellis / Via CBS

7. The Seafood Diet


You don’t need food, food is for humans! You’re a mermaid now. Eat slime. Lick algae off rocks. There are no calories and it’s loaded with beta carotene. Lose weight. Marry a prince. Your best friend is a fish.

Adam Ellis / Via Disney

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