Buzz·Posted on Jul 3, 2014Are You Doug?Honk honk.by Adam EllisBuzzFeed StaffFacebookPinterestTwitterMailLink Nickelodeon Check all that apply to you. I have a dog. Check I have a dog. I have a crush on someone at school. Check I have a crush on someone at school. I'm afraid to go outside because something bad might happen. Check I'm afraid to go outside because something bad might happen. I have four hairs on my head and no hair on my body. Check I have four hairs on my head and no hair on my body. My teeth are always loose and I don't know why. Check My teeth are always loose and I don't know why. I have garlic breath even when I don't eat garlic. Check I have garlic breath even when I don't eat garlic. I accidentally kissed my dog once. Check I accidentally kissed my dog once. I sort of liked it. Check I sort of liked it. My fingernails hurt all the time. Check My fingernails hurt all the time. I own 500 green sweater vests. Check I own 500 green sweater vests. Patti is the Mayonnaise for me, woah woah woah. Check Patti is the Mayonnaise for me, woah woah woah. Chalky Studebaker once cheated off me on a test, but that's OK. Check Chalky Studebaker once cheated off me on a test, but that's OK. I think Chalky's dad is a DILF. Check I think Chalky's dad is a DILF. I farted once for 90 minutes and had to go to the emergency room. Check I farted once for 90 minutes and had to go to the emergency room. I'm allergic to air. Check I'm allergic to air. I was born with gills that had to be sewn shut. Check I was born with gills that had to be sewn shut. Sometimes I wake up crying. Check Sometimes I wake up crying. I swallowed a chicken bone by accident once and I haven't seen it come out yet, where is it? Check I swallowed a chicken bone by accident once and I haven't seen it come out yet, where is it? My best friend is a middle aged man with purple skin. Check My best friend is a middle aged man with purple skin. I wonder what ice cream tastes like. Check I wonder what ice cream tastes like. Show me my results!