Are You Doug?

I have a dog.

I have a crush on someone at school.

I'm afraid to go outside because something bad might happen.

I have four hairs on my head and no hair on my body.

My teeth are always loose and I don't know why.

I have garlic breath even when I don't eat garlic.

I accidentally kissed my dog once.

I sort of liked it.

My fingernails hurt all the time.

I own 500 green sweater vests.

Patti is the Mayonnaise for me, woah woah woah.

Chalky Studebaker once cheated off me on a test, but that's OK.

I think Chalky's dad is a DILF.

I farted once for 90 minutes and had to go to the emergency room.

I'm allergic to air.

I was born with gills that had to be sewn shut.

Sometimes I wake up crying.

I swallowed a chicken bone by accident once and I haven't seen it come out yet, where is it?

My best friend is a middle aged man with purple skin.

I wonder what ice cream tastes like.

Check all that apply to you.