“Few weeks ago, a colleague of mine cried half the afternoon because she broke one of her nails and how terrible this was because she was going out that weekend.
When I tried to calm her down, she couldn’t understand why I couldn’t understand why she was upset. Did I not know how long she’s spend growing them to perfection?”
“In fourth grade, my daughter actually overheard one of her classmates say to another - they are like 9 years old remember - ‘I can’t believe I only have an iPhone 4! It’s so ridiculous my parents expect me to go to school without an iPhone 5.’”
“I once watched a woman stand by her car in a parking lot franticly pushing the unlock button on her key fob.
She said that she had to get home immediately but that her car would not open.
I kindly asked to borrow her keys then proceeded to unlock the car with the key and not the fob.
She was dumbfounded.”
“I went to the grocery store yesterday to get almond butter. There is an entire aisle dedicated to spreads. My almond butter is nowhere to be found.
I’ve been eating the same brand and same kind of almond butter for years. They know I buy it, they have to right? With the aggressive marketing of today, I’m positive this store knows what kind of underwear I wear, and what time I get up in the morning. So where’s my goddam almond butter?!?”
“My friend called with their cell to anxiously ask for help as they were locked inside their hot car with a dead battery and the button for the automatic door locks would not work. I coached them to pull up the lock button with their fingers. They were embarrassed! We had a good laugh.”
- Hillary Clinton has picked Virginia Sen. Tim Kaine as her running mate. He was considered a favorite for the ticket.
- At least 10 people, including the gunman, are dead after a shooting at a mall in Munich, Germany.
- Trying to catch 'em all on Pokémon Go? This guy pretty much already beat you to it 🐣 🏃