Black Friday As Told By Someone Who's Never Taken Part
How sure are we that this isn't just one gigantic animal stampede?
Above all else, it's important to remember that Black Friday is more a state of mind than an actual day.
Everyone partakes because the deals are supposed to be *CrAzY*.
But retailers inevitably try to sneak a few tricks in there because they no know one is actually paying attention.
Insane people leave the warmth of their dwellings to live a nomadic existence (right outside of Best Buy) in the days leading up.
There's never anywhere to park because all of the lots and store entrances have been taken over by these migrant tent-cities.
The entire thing happens at an ungodly early hour when any sane human being would be asleep.
So you need some energy juice or magical dragon blood to keep yourself awake and at full speed all morning.
The crowds are so large, it's like it's an American Idol audition back in 2005 or something.
The police are there to do their best to maintain the peace.
The street becomes desolate, looking more and more like a post-apocalyptic wasteland as people crowd into the shops.
Only the strong are able to push to the front and grab their chosen items.
And if you don't have a game plan mapped out, you're toast.
The raw instinct for self-preservation kicks in and people begin to abandon their loved ones.
In the haze of all ~the deals~, it becomes difficult to differentiate fiction from reality.
Like, is he a real security guard? Can I shove him out of my way to grab some cheap Tupperware? IS THIS THE MATRIX?
Soon, the stores and malls become breeding grounds for lawlessness and destruction.
And it's legitimately really frightening.
In essence, it is a time of mass confusion, regrettable decisions, and dangerous fights over flat screen TVs.
Black Friday is all powerful.
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