1. The Godfather saga (AMC)
Let’s all agree that Part III doesn’t exist and just watch the first two films again.
Thursday, Nov. 28, starting at 11:30 a.m.: The Godfather, The Godfather Part II, The Godfather (again), The Godfather Part II (again)
2. James Bond (SyFy)
Sorry, Roger Moore fans — you’re really getting the short shrift here. But whoever scheduled You Only Live Twice twice has a good sense of humor.
Thursday, Nov. 28, starting at 8 a.m.: Dr. No, Thunderball, Tomorrow Never Dies, The World Is Not Enough, Die Another Day, Casino Royale, Goldfinger, The World Is Not Enough (again)
Friday, Nov. 29, starting at 8:30 a.m.: The Man with the Golden Gun, You Only Live Twice, GoldenEye, Casino Royale (again)
Break for WWE Smackdown at 8 p.m. (obviously)
Starting up again at 10 p.m.: Quantum of Solace, License to Kill, You Only Live Twice (again)
3. Harry Potter (ABC Family)
Looks like the first two Harry Potter movies are hiding under Harry’s invisibility cloak, and whoever scheduled Half-Blood Prince to run after Goblet of Fire on Thursday may have had a few too many butterbeers. Meanwhile, one could accuse ABC Family of consorting with Sytherin for ending Friday’s marathon with Deathly Hallows Part 1, but they more than make up for it by running Part 2 twice on Saturday.
Thursday, Nov. 28, starting at 1 p.m.: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Friday, Nov. 29, starting at 9:30 a.m.: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1
Saturday, Nov. 30, starting at 7 a.m.: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2, and Part 2 again
4. Shrek (TBS)
Shrek Forever After was, apparently, not.
Friday, Nov. 29, starting at 9:45 a.m.: Shrek, Shrek 2, Shrek the Third
6. Star Wars (Spike TV)
On Friday, Spike TV will only air the Star Wars prequel trilogy. On Saturday, they’ll air the prequels again, and then whet fans’ appetites with A New Hope. Finally, on Sunday, they’ll air the original trilogy, and tweens everywhere will drive their aunts and uncles to madness by asking them why the special effects in those films look “so cheap.” Family!
Friday, Nov. 29, starting at 2 p.m.: Star Wars: Episode I—The Phantom Menace, Star Wars: Episode II—Attack of the Clones, Star Wars: Episode III—Revenge of the Sith
Saturday, Nov. 30, starting at noon: Star Wars: Episode I—The Phantom Menace, Star Wars: Episode II—Attack of the Clones, Star Wars: Episode III—Revenge of the Sith, Star Wars: Episode IV—A New Hope
Sunday, Dec. 1, starting at 3 p.m.: Star Wars: Episode IV—A New Hope, Star Wars: Episode V—The Empire Strikes Back, Star Wars: Episode VI—Return of the Jedi
7. Star Trek (Syfy)
It would appear the programmers at Syfy were sucked into a temporal vortex. That’s the only explanation for scheduling the Star Trek movies to run in this order: third, fourth, eighth, sixth, seventh, second, and seventh again. (Though we should all be grateful that vortex outright skipped the first, fifth, ninth and tenth, amiright?)
Saturday, Nov. 30, starting at 11 a.m.: Star Trek III: The Search for Spock, Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, Star Trek: First Contact, Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country, Star Trek: Generations, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Star Trek: Generations (again)
8. Steven Seagal (AMC)
Saturday, Nov. 30, starting 11 a.m.: Exit Wounds, Out for Justice, On Deadly Ground, Above the Law, Under Siege, Hard to Kill
- Authorities are removing Dakota Access pipeline protesters blocking roads and camped on private property.
- Apple just unveiled lighter, thinner MacBooks with touch-sensitive panels for instant emoji access (and other uses) 💻✨
- A Trump official says the campaign has "three major voter suppression operations underway."
- RIP — Vine says it's discontinuing its mobile app, effectively ending the 6-second video service 💀