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25 Completely Logical Thoughts You Have When You See Your Ex
*Googles how to be invisible*
1. If the floor could swallow me whole right now, that'd be great.
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Baiiiii.
2. A cute stranger who doesn't mind being my new boyfriend for the next two minutes would be awesome.
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3. What's somebody gotta do to get a wild animal stampede going on?
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4. I need a bodyguard. I need a job that could pay for said bodyguard.
5. If aliens ever chose a time to abduct someone, this would be ideal.
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6. I wouldn't say no to a well placed worm hole at this very moment.
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7. If someone is ever going to kidnap me for ransom, dear god let it be now.
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8. If only I could lose 10 pounds with the snap of a finger.
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WHY DON'T I HAVE MAGIC FINGERS. IT'S 2014.
9. It's a shame I never learned to vomit on command.
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10. How confident am I in my ability to pull off having amnesia?
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11. Throwing myself in front of that car might be a tad dramatic...?
12. Why do I go anywhere without my highly confrontational BFF?
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13. What would Taylor Swift do?
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14. Maybe don't do that...
15. I'm just going to casually hide behind this thing here.
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16. OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT. Eye contact has been made.
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17. Why are you coming over here? Can you not feel my hatred from there?!
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18. I will be polite and cordial no matter what.
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19. MAKE EXIT NOW.
20. *Walks away* What just happened?!?!?
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21. I'm OK, I'm OK, I'm OK.
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22. No. Wait. I really am OK!
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23. No emotional hemorrhaging here!
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24. ZERO FEELS!
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25. BYE FELIPE. I'M OUT.
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