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    25 Completely Logical Thoughts You Have When You See Your Ex

    *Googles how to be invisible*

    1. If the floor could swallow me whole right now, that'd be great.

    2. A cute stranger who doesn't mind being my new boyfriend for the next two minutes would be awesome.

    3. What's somebody gotta do to get a wild animal stampede going on?

    4. I need a bodyguard. I need a job that could pay for said bodyguard.

    5. If aliens ever chose a time to abduct someone, this would be ideal.

    6. I wouldn't say no to a well placed worm hole at this very moment.

    7. If someone is ever going to kidnap me for ransom, dear god let it be now.

    8. If only I could lose 10 pounds with the snap of a finger.

    9. It's a shame I never learned to vomit on command.

    10. How confident am I in my ability to pull off having amnesia?

    11. Throwing myself in front of that car might be a tad dramatic...?

    12. Why do I go anywhere without my highly confrontational BFF?

    13. What would Taylor Swift do?

    14. Maybe don't do that...

    15. I'm just going to casually hide behind this thing here.

    16. OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT. Eye contact has been made.

    17. Why are you coming over here? Can you not feel my hatred from there?!

    18. I will be polite and cordial no matter what.

    19. MAKE EXIT NOW.

    20. *Walks away* What just happened?!?!?

    21. I'm OK, I'm OK, I'm OK.

    22. No. Wait. I really am OK!

    23. No emotional hemorrhaging here!

    24. ZERO FEELS!

    25. BYE FELIPE. I'M OUT.