Then: Is this a sick joke? Triple check that list, Santa. I only had detention ONE TIME.
Now: I can put off doing laundry for three more days now. Can you wrap all my gifts in fuzzy socks?
2. Fancy Chocolate
Then: I don't even know what caramel infused dark chocolate means. You couldn't have just bought me a Snickers?
Now: Thank you baby Jesus. I could not justify spending $7.99 per World Market candy bar when rent is due in 7 days.
3. Shirts Without Cartoon Characters On Them
Then: Why would you buy me a button up shirt? Are we going to church? We JUST went for Easter.
Now: You basically breathed new life into my work wardrobe. #blessed
Then: I see you think you can substitute Barbie pajamas for Barbie's dream house like that's no big deal.
Now: No pants are the best pants, except when it comes to unrestricted waistbands. Hallelujah!
5. Anything Sentimental
Then: What the shit is this, Santa? A photo album?! I clearly wrote down Legos.
Now: I'm gonna say thank you as soon as I swallow all these feels and bury them deep down forever.
Then: What the hell am I gonna do with a tool box? There's child labor laws against this.
Now: *hides weed in it*
Then: The whole point of Christmas vacation is that I don't have to read anything other than subtitles, Mom. Get with the program.
Now: How did you get a hold of my book club list? Are you an angel?
8. Anything You Have To Put Together Yourself
Then: Do I need to read the instructions to put this together? Let me correct myself, Dad, do you need to read the instructions to this together?
Now: It's better this way, I don't trust anyone to do it right anyhow.
9. Gloves, Hats & Scarves
Then: ... I already have a scarf. What am I supposed to do with two scarves?
Now: I literally pinned this exact set four times in my 'Winter Wonderland' board.
10. Family Time
Then: Wait, you mean Grandma is coming over just to watch us open presents? She's old as hell and you're telling me she doesn't have a direct line to Santa?
Now: I'm going to linger longer than I should on this hug because I only get to hug you like three times a year.
11. Hygiene Products
Then: Lotion and body wash? I will never use this. Who wants to smell like "Love Spell"? Gross.
Now: Thank you from saving me a trip to Victoria Secret's just to buy lotion. They have judgement in their eyes.
Then: A Wal-Mart gift card, Uncle Rob? I handed you my Delia's wishlist on a silver platter.
Now: Yaaaaas, I won't have to buy toilet paper or dish soap for months.
13. Food Gift Sets
Then: Cookie mix in a mug? You saying I should learn to bake? I'm 10, I'm not an idiot. "MA, CAN YOU MAKE RICE CRISPIES?" There, see.
Now: Between the cookie mix and the salami sampler, now I don't have to go grocery shopping this weekend.
14. Home Goods
Then: Does this candle set make noise? Explode? Turn different colors? Smell like gross stuff?
Now: I wanted an accent lamp just like this at Pier 1 but the price tag made me cry.
15. Gag Gifts
Then: Is this piggy bank full of pennies? I don't have time for this, Dad.
Now: Coinstar here I come. There's about to be a Grande Peppermint Mocha with my name on it.
Then: What do I need a purse for? I have a book bag.
Now: From backpacking through Europe to carrying exactly $1 in quarters, I need one for any situation I could end up in ever.
17. Old Fashioned Hard Candy
Then: Jesus, Grandma, do you want me dead? Everyone I have ever known has choked on these.
Now: I can regift to a co-worker or use as ammunition against siblings, either way it's a win.
18. Gifts That Should Be Given In Private But Aren't
Then: OMG AUNT CAROL. Training bras?? In front of EVERYONE? *cries in the hallway*
Now: LOLJK NO ONE WANTS THESE GIFTS EVER.