1. OK, I'm just gonna do a quick check of my email, Facebook, Tumblr, and Twitter.
2. I should change my status... but I don't know what to change it to.
3. [Looking at everyone else's statuses] I've got nothing going on with my life.
4. They're getting married?!
5. Oh, God, I look so awful in this picture. I've gotta untag myself.
6. Ha, _____ looks awful in this picture! I've gotta tag him.
7. Whatever happened to _______? [Proceeds to spend three hours peeking into their life.]
8. He got hot. When did he get so hot?
9. Hmm, "change of job." Was she fired or did she quit? WAS SHE FIRED OR DID SHE QUIT.
10. Whoa, "______ is no longer in a relationship"? WHAT HAPPENED?!?!
11. Scrolling, scrolling, scrolling.
12. The only time I ever see this person is on Facebook.
13. When and how did I even meet this person?
14. Wow, I really liked this person until we became Facebook friends.
15. I really wish I could unfriend [relative].
16. Don't reply to the political/religious status. Don't reply to the political/religious status.
17. OK, screw it, I've gotta say something.
18. And now I'm unfriended. Worth it.
19. Wow, everyone from high school got old and/or married.
20. So many babies. Why so many babies?
21. Their baby is so gross.
22. Their baby is SO cute!
23. Each of these "We're having a baby" posts is using this same damn picture.
24. How do you get people to care about your Tumblr? I have a Tumblr! People should care!
25. Oh, Tumblr. You get me.
26. Post relevant to my fandom gets an automatic reblog.
27. WTF, Tumblr?!
28. WHY ARE PEOPLE SO AWFUL?!
29. RAGE AND REBLOG.
30. Humanity is doomed.
31. NSFW! NSFW!
32. This link is tagged "NSFL"... How bad could it really be?
33. Why is #_______ trending?
34. I should RT this... but... I don't wanna.
35. Should I like this or RT it?
36. But he never RTs me, so...
37. Oh, God, why are there so many hashtags?
38. Should I have tweeted that? Should I delete it?
39. How do they have so many followers?!
40. Is everyone watching [whatever awards show] except me?
41. I should tweet something... but I don't know what to tweet.
42. How are they regramming someone else's photo?
43. OMG this got no likes. *Deletes post* then *reposts*.
44. What's a GPOY? Am I a GPOY? How does one GPOY?
45. Why am I sharing a picture of this plate of food? Whatever, I'm doing it anyway.
46. Lemme post a selfie real quick.
47. Half these filters look the same.
48. Why isn't my apartment as pretty as this?
49. Who can afford this stuff?
50. Now I wanna get married!
51 I should get off the computer.
52. OMG, how have I been online for four hours?!