Emily Wright, a 31-year-old mum, schools us on when you should approach your wife for sex. Don't worry, she has charts. Educate yourself.
The whole trick to sex is timing. You need to know the appropriate times to approach such an endeavor. For instance, this chart indicating when the children have gone to sleep is a good place to start:
BUT DON'T GO NEAR MUM WHEN SHE'S TIRED! WOAH BOY, DON'T YOU DARE.
Now, you may not know this, but how clean the house is also affects your chances of sex.
"Also, remember: If she cleaned the house it doesn't count, because then she's tired... If you've cleaned the house by yourself, it doesn't count because you don't actually know how to clean the house."