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Amber Rose And Jessica Williams Have Perfected The Clapback

It's a skill that, when employed properly, can banish someone attempting to throw shade back to the Dark Ages. Use with caution.

There comes a time in everyone's life when someone you know (or maybe someone you don't) decides to step forward with a comment that is just plain out of line.

Maybe this tweet, text, or telegram was something bubbling up for a long time. Perhaps it was some fresh shade. Either way, you feel in your heart of hearts that it simply cannot be left unmatched. In fact, it must be shut all the way down.

Enter, the clapback.

Not to be confused with a garden-variety diss, a clapback is deemed by most as a targeted, often viciously acute comeback intended to place someone in much-needed check. Think of the clapback like a Pokémon's counterattack that's critically effective. One shade to rule them all.

The goal of the clapback is to 👏Shut. 👏It. 👏Down.

Here's the official guide to the art of the clapback:

1. Someone attacks you.

“I was a stripper since I was 15 years old,” Amber Rose told Foxx. Please don't worry about my sister who has a career & her shit (1)

Here, we see Khloe Kardashian taking a side-jab at Amber Rose, who used to date her now-brother-in-law, Kanye West. The specifics of their beef are a bit complex, but know that Khloe has set herself up for a clapback by bringing up Amber's past in a negative, slut-shaming connotation.

Why @msjwilly needs the biggest best Lean In group ever, via @TheBillfold http://t.co/c1KQUkASmg

And here, Ester Bloom, an editor of The Billfold, criticizes The Daily Show correspondent Jessica Williams for not "leaning in" and asserting herself as the rightful heir to Jon Stewart on The Comedy Central program. Bloom went so far as to say that all Williams needed was "a pep talk."

2. You gather your thoughts.

We've reached a crucial juncture. Here, you need to decide whether a clapback is truly needed. Has this person wronged you in a way that needs to be called out? Should this clapback be done publicly (read: on social media)? Are you prepared to clap back efficiently? Do some soul-searching. Once you clapback, you can't take it back.

3. You issue a response.

You've taken some time to think about how to properly respond. And then... you GO IN. This is your "Welcome to my parlor," said the spider to the fly moment. You drag until there's nothing but rug burns.

@khloekardashian I'm happy u brought up the fact that I was a stripper at 15....

Note the introduction to the clapback. Amber is "happy" that Khloe brought up her past as a stripper. Because NOW she is about to read Khloe her rights.

@khloekardashian I'll be that lil whore to support my family like ur older sister is a whore 2 support hers. We're even 💋 #MuvaGivesFacts

An expert clapback states your case...

I am a black woman and I am a feminist and I am so many things. I am truly honored that people love my work. But I am not yours.

...and then rips your attacker to shreds.

No offense, but Lean the Fuck away from me for the next couple of days. I need a minute.

4. Bask in the glory of your clapback.

If executed properly, there's a chance your opponent will recognize their wrongs and back down. Who knows: you might even end up teaching someone something new! But don't completely put your guard down. They might attempt a clapback of their own.

Just going to say this & then keep listening & learning: I was wrong. I'm sorry. I was flip & presumptuous, & I offended someone I respect.

@khloekardashian girl just @ me. I really don't want to read u to filth darling. But I will. Sit down.

Either way, your spectators will notice and honor your accomplishments. You've done it, Mama Rose. You 👏clapped 👏back.

I aspire to have a clapback game as tight as @DaRealAmberRose. Don't 👏 come 👏for 👏 me 👏 unless 👏 I 👏 send 👏 for 👏 you 👏!

Jessica Williams' clapback was exquisite, y’all. I need a figurative cigarette, a post-clapback aperitif, SOMETHING. *eats nutella*