I Summarized "Pride And Prejudice" With John Mulaney Quotes Because It's What We All Deserve
No one asked for this, but I don't care!
Let's begin, shall we?
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The Bennets have five daughters — Jane, Elizabeth, Mary, Kitty, and Lydia, who are all single, which stresses Mrs. Bennet out a lot.
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One night everybody is enjoying a town dance.
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And two wealthy and eligible bachelors, Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley (and his sister Caroline Bingley), show up all like...
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Jane and Bingley are taken by each other and dance the night away, but Darcy makes some rather rude comments about Elizabeth.
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Days later, Mr. Collins, the clergyman who will inherit everything when Mr. Bennet inevitably dies, shows up. He’s weird and no one likes him.
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The militia and Lieutenant Wickham arrive in town. He speaks badly about Darcy, and Elizabeth is all:
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Elizabeth looks for Wickham at the ball Bingley’s hosting, but she ends up dancing with Darcy instead.
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All the while Mrs. Bennet is spreading lies about her whole family.
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Collins proposes to Elizabeth and she says no.
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The Bingleys leave town and Jane is heartbroken, but like all the characters in this story...
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Elizabeth’s best friend Charlotte shows up and says Collins proposed and she accepted.
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A couple of months later, she visits Charlotte and Collins. She is invited to Lady Catherine de Bourgh’s home. She’s Darcy’s aunt and Mr. Collins' patroness.
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The next day, Darcy runs up and tells Elizabeth he loves her “most ardently” despite her “lower rank” and Elizabeth is all:
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She rejects him and travels with some family. They eventually end up at Darcy’s mansion and on the inside she's like:
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Darcy is actually at his house (shocker!) and Elizabeth bumps into him.
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EIizabeth gets a letter from her father and it turns out Wickham was horrible and just wants money in exchange for running off with Lydia.
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Lydia still ran off with Wickham because she’s all...
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Mr. Bennet searches for Lydia and she eventually marries Wickham. It’s all awkward, but Mrs. Bennet is like...
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Elizabeth finds out that Darcy paid Wickham.
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And then Bingley returns and proposes to Jane.
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Lady Catherine de Bourgh shows up in the dead of night and tells Elizabeth she can’t marry Darcy and Elizabeth is all “he hasn’t asked me!”
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And finally, the next morning Darcy proposes to Elizabeth...
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And she says...
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!!!!!!!
- FIN -
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