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    I Summarized "Pride And Prejudice" With John Mulaney Quotes Because It's What We All Deserve

    No one asked for this, but I don't care!

    Let's begin, shall we?

    Netflix

    The Bennets have five daughters — Jane, Elizabeth, Mary, Kitty, and Lydia, who are all single, which stresses Mrs. Bennet out a lot.

    Netflix

    One night everybody is enjoying a town dance.

    NBC

    And two wealthy and eligible bachelors, Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley (and his sister Caroline Bingley), show up all like...

    Comedy Central

    Jane and Bingley are taken by each other and dance the night away, but Darcy makes some rather rude comments about Elizabeth.

    Comedy Central

    Days later, Mr. Collins, the clergyman who will inherit everything when Mr. Bennet inevitably dies, shows up. He’s weird and no one likes him.

    Comedy Central

    The militia and Lieutenant Wickham arrive in town. He speaks badly about Darcy, and Elizabeth is all:

    Comedy Central

    Elizabeth looks for Wickham at the ball Bingley’s hosting, but she ends up dancing with Darcy instead.

    IFC

    All the while Mrs. Bennet is spreading lies about her whole family.

    Comedy Central

    Collins proposes to Elizabeth and she says no.

    Comedy Central

    The Bingleys leave town and Jane is heartbroken, but like all the characters in this story...

    Comedy Central

    Elizabeth’s best friend Charlotte shows up and says Collins proposed and she accepted.

    Netflix

    A couple of months later, she visits Charlotte and Collins. She is invited to Lady Catherine de Bourgh’s home. She’s Darcy’s aunt and Mr. Collins' patroness.

    Comedy Central

    The next day, Darcy runs up and tells Elizabeth he loves her “most ardently” despite her “lower rank” and Elizabeth is all:

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    She rejects him and travels with some family. They eventually end up at Darcy’s mansion and on the inside she's like:

    Comedy Central

    Darcy is actually at his house (shocker!) and Elizabeth bumps into him.

    Comedy Central

    EIizabeth gets a letter from her father and it turns out Wickham was horrible and just wants money in exchange for running off with Lydia.

    Comedy Central

    Lydia still ran off with Wickham because she’s all...

    Comedy Central

    Mr. Bennet searches for Lydia and she eventually marries Wickham. It’s all awkward, but Mrs. Bennet is like...

    Comedy Central

    Elizabeth finds out that Darcy paid Wickham.

    NBC

    And then Bingley returns and proposes to Jane.

    Comedy Central

    Lady Catherine de Bourgh shows up in the dead of night and tells Elizabeth she can’t marry Darcy and Elizabeth is all “he hasn’t asked me!”

    Comedy Central

    And finally, the next morning Darcy proposes to Elizabeth...

    Comedy Central

    And she says...

    ABC

    !!!!!!!

    - FIN -

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