BuzzFeed - "collection: if the culture war actually happened" http://www.buzzfeed.com BuzzFeed, Find Your New Favorite Thing en Copyright 2012 BuzzFeed, Inc. Mon, 13 Feb 2012 11:27:52 -0500 editor@buzzfeed.com (http://www.buzzfeed.com/about) info@buzzfeed.com (http://www.buzzfeed.com/about) The small states wouldn't stop bitching about being underrepresented in the House, claiming populati http://www.buzzfeed.com/daedalus/the-small-states-wouldnt-stop-bitching-about-bein-9xk-1hn The small states wouldn't stop bitching about being underrepresented in the House, claiming population wasn't really important. Meanwhile, the larger states were getting sick of a voter in Alaska having three times the electoral vote of one in California, due to the butt-ugly electoral college system. Both agreed to Rule 14: states with 15 or more electoral votes would become independent of those with 13 or less (there are none with exactly 14). Sadly, us Massholes are now stuck with the redneck states. RCP counts the states badly, somehow they shortchanged us 6 votes on this one. 270toWin has a better map anyway, the interface is much easier: http://www.270towin.com/ NOTE: you'll have to take a screenie and save as PNG. It's a bit of a pain.

]]> http://www.buzzfeed.com/daedalus/the-small-states-wouldnt-stop-bitching-about-bein-9xk-1hn Sat, 11 Oct 2008 11:17:38 -0400 The small states wouldn't stop bitching about being underrepresented in the House, claiming population wasn't really important. Meanwhile, the larger states were getting sick of a voter in Alaska having three times the electoral vote of one in California, due to the butt-ugly electoral college system. Both agreed to Rule 14: states with 15 or more electoral votes would become independent of those with 13 or less (there are none with exactly 14). Sadly, us Massholes are now stuck with the redneck states. RCP counts the states badly, somehow they shortchanged us 6 votes on this one. 270toWin has a better map anyway, the interface is much easier: http://www.270towin.com/ NOTE: you'll have to take a screenie and save as PNG. It's a bit of a pain. daedalus adult Pimp States vs. Ho States. Kendra this one is for you. Everyone knows that some states are for pimps http://www.buzzfeed.com/savage/pimp-states-vs-ho-states-kendra-this-one-is-for-9xk-1g6 Pimp States vs. Ho States. Kendra this one is for you. Everyone knows that some states are for pimps and some are for “hoes”. California has Hollywood and the Google guys - straight pimps. Nevada has the Mustang Ranch - home of the legal hoes. And Idaho is the only state that actually has “ho” in the name. Hawaii the is a ho state because of the grass skirts. Alaska is a pimp state because of Sarah Palin - like Jay-Z says Ladies Is Pimps, Too. Obama is pimping in Illinois and don't forget the classic pimps, the Ohio Players. Dick Cheney is a Halliburton pimp with DC on lock down. The entire dirty south is listening to OutKast, pimping whores, and slamming Cadillac doors. And New York used to be pimping Wall Street style but now the entire state is byatch ass hoes.

]]> http://www.buzzfeed.com/savage/pimp-states-vs-ho-states-kendra-this-one-is-for-9xk-1g6 Fri, 10 Oct 2008 00:48:25 -0400 Pimp States vs. Ho States. Kendra this one is for you. Everyone knows that some states are for pimps and some are for "hoes". California has Hollywood and the Google guys - straight pimps. Nevada has the Mustang Ranch - home of the legal hoes. And Idaho is the only state that actually has "ho" in the name. Hawaii the is a ho state because of the grass skirts. Alaska is a pimp state because of Sarah Palin - like Jay-Z says Ladies Is Pimps, Too. Obama is pimping in Illinois and don't forget the classic pimps, the Ohio Players. Dick Cheney is a Halliburton pimp with DC on lock down. The entire dirty south is listening to OutKast, pimping whores, and slamming Cadillac doors. And New York used to be pimping Wall Street style but now the entire state is byatch ass hoes. savage adult These are awesome. Please stop using "pimp" this way. It's ignorant and disrespectful to people who http://www.buzzfeed.com/kpelowok/these-are-awesome-please-stop-using-pimp-this-9xk-1en

These are awesome. Please stop using “pimp” this way. It's ignorant and disrespectful to people who are suffering. Then, keep coming up with great ideas like this one.

]]> http://www.buzzfeed.com/kpelowok/these-are-awesome-please-stop-using-pimp-this-9xk-1en Wed, 08 Oct 2008 23:56:27 -0400 These are awesome. Please stop using "pimp" this way. It's ignorant and disrespectful to people who are suffering. Then, keep coming up with great ideas like this one. kpelowok adult There's really no way to properly unite the liberal-leaning left coast and the northeast, so I had t http://www.buzzfeed.com/pwcasellini/theres-really-no-way-to-properly-unite-the-libera-9xk-1ek There's really no way to properly unite the liberal-leaning left coast and the northeast, so I had to bend the rules a bit and make three Americas. The red/blue split seems even enough, after just cutting the western states loose.

]]> http://www.buzzfeed.com/pwcasellini/theres-really-no-way-to-properly-unite-the-libera-9xk-1ek Wed, 08 Oct 2008 21:29:11 -0400 There's really no way to properly unite the liberal-leaning left coast and the northeast, so I had to bend the rules a bit and make three Americas. The red/blue split seems even enough, after just cutting the western states loose. pwcasellini adult I want the west. I love the Rockies and the National Parks. I also want Alaska. Sorry Palin - better http://www.buzzfeed.com/naturallygeeky/i-want-the-west-i-love-the-rockies-and-the-nation-9xk-1ed I want the west. I love the Rockies and the National Parks. I also want Alaska. Sorry Palin - better luck next time, biatch. I kept a northern passage open between the northeast and the west for ease of transportation should relations become tense. I had to concede a few eastern states in order to keep all the western ones I wanted (following the rules of keeping the electoral count close to even), so sadly, I gave up Maryland and DC - goodbye Smithsonian and Federal Government. Also New Jersey and Delaware, in order to keep states in our new Blue America contiguous. I would have liked to keep all the Great Lakes states, but couldn't, so Illinois and Indiana had to go. The only reason I kept Ohio and North Dakota is to maintain a “land bridge” between sections. I'm not sure I kept us enough agriculture, but California's central valley, North Dakota's wheat and sunflowers, Montana and Wyoming, too, and eastern Colorado, eastern Oregon… and we'll have lots of free-range beef, too. I think it works! Oh, where should the new seat of government be, since I've given up DC? Hmmm. Probably California, but I'm flexible about that. As long as I can be Queen.

]]> http://www.buzzfeed.com/naturallygeeky/i-want-the-west-i-love-the-rockies-and-the-nation-9xk-1ed Wed, 08 Oct 2008 17:57:36 -0400 I want the west. I love the Rockies and the National Parks. I also want Alaska. Sorry Palin - better luck next time, biatch. I kept a northern passage open between the northeast and the west for ease of transportation should relations become tense. I had to concede a few eastern states in order to keep all the western ones I wanted (following the rules of keeping the electoral count close to even), so sadly, I gave up Maryland and DC - goodbye Smithsonian and Federal Government. Also New Jersey and Delaware, in order to keep states in our new Blue America contiguous. I would have liked to keep all the Great Lakes states, but couldn't, so Illinois and Indiana had to go. The only reason I kept Ohio and North Dakota is to maintain a "land bridge" between sections. I'm not sure I kept us enough agriculture, but California's central valley, North Dakota's wheat and sunflowers, Montana and Wyoming, too, and eastern Colorado, eastern Oregon... and we'll have lots of free-range beef, too. I think it works! Oh, where should the new seat of government be, since I've given up DC? Hmmm. Probably California, but I'm flexible about that. As long as I can be Queen. naturallygeeky adult Why so Republican? http://www.buzzfeed.com/areoneoh/why-so-republican-9xk-1e7 Why so Republican?

]]> http://www.buzzfeed.com/areoneoh/why-so-republican-9xk-1e7 Wed, 08 Oct 2008 16:38:52 -0400 Why so Republican? areoneoh adult If you are going to take earthquakes into consideration, you must also enter global warming into the http://www.buzzfeed.com/madrigorne/if-you-are-going-to-take-earthquakes-into-consider-9xk-1dr

If you are going to take earthquakes into consideration, you must also enter global warming into the equation, in which case Florida would submerge as would a great deal of the Southeastern United States, and quite a few miles of coastal regions elsewhere….everywhere… Factor in the displacement volume of California's diagonal descent into the Pacific, the effect it will have on sea level - in addition to the glacial meltwater from Global Warming - we could see some states disappear entirely as the topography changes… also - the California Rift could trigger the New Madrid fault to become actively volcanic - devastating the Midwestern states, and the grain belt, and effectively rerouting travel patterns north or south of the event.

]]> http://www.buzzfeed.com/madrigorne/if-you-are-going-to-take-earthquakes-into-consider-9xk-1dr Wed, 08 Oct 2008 12:13:38 -0400 If you are going to take earthquakes into consideration, you must also enter global warming into the equation, in which case Florida would submerge as would a great deal of the Southeastern United States, and quite a few miles of coastal regions elsewhere....everywhere... Factor in the displacement volume of California's diagonal descent into the Pacific, the effect it will have on sea level - in addition to the glacial meltwater from Global Warming - we could see some states disappear entirely as the topography changes... also - the California Rift could trigger the New Madrid fault to become actively volcanic - devastating the Midwestern states, and the grain belt, and effectively rerouting travel patterns north or south of the event. madrigorne adult I've always thought we should smile more. Bonus points if you stick your tongue out at least once pe http://www.buzzfeed.com/goob/ive-always-thought-we-should-smile-more-bonus-po-9xk-1du I've always thought we should smile more. Bonus points if you stick your tongue out at least once per day.

]]> http://www.buzzfeed.com/goob/ive-always-thought-we-should-smile-more-bonus-po-9xk-1du Wed, 08 Oct 2008 11:50:17 -0400 I've always thought we should smile more. Bonus points if you stick your tongue out at least once per day. goob adult This is what would happen if Obama lost. California would secede along with other West Coast States http://www.buzzfeed.com/rtfedd/this-is-what-would-happen-if-obama-lost-californi-9xk-1di This is what would happen if Obama lost. California would secede along with other West Coast States forming the 'Coastal Alliance.' The 'Media Elite' States would soon follow. Parts of Canada would certainly be annexed. For my daily poll statistics, I use FiveThirtyEight.com because I have a slight obsession with accurate and transparent statistical practices. I also love their simulation of the election with scenario analysis!

]]> http://www.buzzfeed.com/rtfedd/this-is-what-would-happen-if-obama-lost-californi-9xk-1di Wed, 08 Oct 2008 11:39:53 -0400 This is what would happen if Obama lost. California would secede along with other West Coast States forming the &#39;Coastal Alliance.&#39; The &#39;Media Elite&#39; States would soon follow. Parts of Canada would certainly be annexed. For my daily poll statistics, I use <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.fivethirtyeight.com">FiveThirtyEight.com</a> because I have a slight obsession with accurate and transparent statistical practices. I also love their simulation of the election with scenario analysis! rtfedd adult This is fun, but the tragic undercurrent here is that, with only a few exceptions, the map from 2004 http://www.buzzfeed.com/mikecoatl/this-is-fun-but-the-tragic-undercurrent-here-is-t-9xk-1dg This is fun, but the tragic undercurrent here is that, with only a few exceptions, the map from 2004 was astonishingly similar to the map detailing how the states fell during the Civil War.

]]> http://www.buzzfeed.com/mikecoatl/this-is-fun-but-the-tragic-undercurrent-here-is-t-9xk-1dg Wed, 08 Oct 2008 01:13:27 -0400 This is fun, but the tragic undercurrent here is that, with only a few exceptions, the map from 2004 was astonishingly similar to the map detailing how the states fell during the Civil War. mikecoatl adult Exploitation of the 4 corners for 2 contiguous regions. Sorry New Mexico. http://www.buzzfeed.com/nicholas/exploitation-of-the-4-corners-for-2-contiguous-reg-9xk-5k Exploitation of the 4 corners for 2 contiguous regions. Sorry New Mexico.

]]> http://www.buzzfeed.com/nicholas/exploitation-of-the-4-corners-for-2-contiguous-reg-9xk-5k Tue, 07 Oct 2008 18:58:27 -0400 Exploitation of the 4 corners for 2 contiguous regions. Sorry New Mexico. nicholas adult Eric Eberhardt LOL ++ http://www.buzzfeed.com/jonah/eric-eberhardt-lol-9xk-b

Eric Eberhardt LOL ++

]]> http://www.buzzfeed.com/jonah/eric-eberhardt-lol-9xk-b Tue, 07 Oct 2008 18:36:43 -0400 Eric Eberhardt LOL ++ jonah adult So my theory is that regardless of the outcome of this election the US eventually drifts towards a m http://www.buzzfeed.com/idontlikewords/so-my-theory-is-that-regardless-of-the-outcome-of-9xk-1d8 So my theory is that regardless of the outcome of this election the US eventually drifts towards a multi-state solution wherein California secedes (or re-asserts it's independence , depending on your perspective) and joins up with the Pacific Rim economies. The New England states do basically the same thing with the EU and the upper Midwest moves it's capital to Chicago and builds out sort of a USA-lite type of nation around that. The rest of the country goes to hell and joins the 3rd world, except for Texas, which is the interesting part. Texas embraces the concept of “limited government” to the extreme, suspending all environmental and societal controls. It basically turns into hyper-China where lawlessness and disorder are rampant, but profits are insanely high. The rest of the country abandons oil, but Texas decides to ride it all the way into the ground and partners with Venezuela to this end. Lots of kids coming out of business school talk about “doing time” in Texas while they try to cash in on the situation, but most of them end up limping back to the East or West coast with lungs full of soot and all strung out on speed or adderall or modafinil or all three. Of course that's just my opinion, I could be wrong…

]]> http://www.buzzfeed.com/idontlikewords/so-my-theory-is-that-regardless-of-the-outcome-of-9xk-1d8 Tue, 07 Oct 2008 17:08:12 -0400 So my theory is that regardless of the outcome of this election the US eventually drifts towards a multi-state solution wherein California secedes (or re-asserts it&#39;s <a rel="nofollow" href="http://store.muledesign.com/shirts/cali.php">independence</a>, depending on your perspective) and joins up with the Pacific Rim economies. The New England states do basically the same thing with the EU and the upper Midwest moves it&#39;s capital to Chicago and builds out sort of a USA-lite type of nation around that. The rest of the country goes to hell and joins the 3rd world, except for Texas, which is the interesting part. Texas embraces the concept of "limited government" to the extreme, suspending all environmental and societal controls. It basically turns into hyper-China where lawlessness and disorder are rampant, but profits are insanely high. The rest of the country abandons oil, but Texas decides to ride it all the way into the ground and partners with Venezuela to this end. Lots of kids coming out of business school talk about "doing time" in Texas while they try to cash in on the situation, but most of them end up limping back to the East or West coast with lungs full of soot and all strung out on speed or adderall or modafinil or all three. Of course that&#39;s just my opinion, I could be wrong... idontlikewords adult An even split. Both get the Atlantic coast, northern and southern borders, and access to the Great L http://www.buzzfeed.com/leike/an-even-split-both-get-the-atlantic-coast-northe-9xk-1d5 An even split. Both get the Atlantic coast, northern and southern borders, and access to the Great Lakes. Red America gets the Gulf Coast. Blue America gets the Pacific, Yellowstone, Alaska, Hawaii, some farmland, good surfing and fishing, safe passage between the coasts, and Canada's help convincing the four disconnected red states to recede.

]]> http://www.buzzfeed.com/leike/an-even-split-both-get-the-atlantic-coast-northe-9xk-1d5 Tue, 07 Oct 2008 16:24:14 -0400 An even split. Both get the Atlantic coast, northern and southern borders, and access to the Great Lakes. Red America gets the Gulf Coast. Blue America gets the Pacific, Yellowstone, Alaska, Hawaii, some farmland, good surfing and fishing, safe passage between the coasts, and Canada&#39;s help convincing the four disconnected red states to recede. leike adult The United Stripes of America http://www.buzzfeed.com/chris/the-united-stripes-of-america-9xk-b The United Stripes of America

]]> http://www.buzzfeed.com/chris/the-united-stripes-of-america-9xk-b Tue, 07 Oct 2008 14:48:47 -0400 The United Stripes of America chris adult Remember the 2004 map? United States of Canada and JesusLand? I added Iowa and Ohio to The USofC as http://www.buzzfeed.com/bostonjerry/remember-the-2004-map-united-states-of-canada-and-9xk-1cu Remember the 2004 map? United States of Canada and JesusLand? I added Iowa and Ohio to The USofC as they look like they'll go Blue this year. Sorry Colorado and New Mexico, we know you want to join but the government of the USofC can't protect you from the surrounding nutbags

]]> http://www.buzzfeed.com/bostonjerry/remember-the-2004-map-united-states-of-canada-and-9xk-1cu Tue, 07 Oct 2008 13:51:42 -0400 Remember the 2004 map? United States of Canada and JesusLand? I added Iowa and Ohio to The USofC as they look like they&#39;ll go Blue this year. Sorry Colorado and New Mexico, we know you want to join but the government of the USofC can&#39;t protect you from the surrounding nutbags bostonjerry adult The Liberal Elite get the west coast, the northeast, and Hawaii for vacations. A luxury, ecologicall http://www.buzzfeed.com/jonah/the-liberal-elite-get-the-west-coast-the-northeas-9xk-b The Liberal Elite get the west coast, the northeast, and Hawaii for vacations. A luxury, ecologically-friendly bullet train connects both coasts and runs through the occupied territories of OK, AR, and TN. The Elites also get New Orleans because Bush blew the Katrina relief. The Rust Belt states and Redneck states all go red. They rejoice that they can finally cling to guns and religion without getting ridiculed by people who attended four year colleges. Residents of Chicago, IL and Madison, WI are airlifted out by helicopter before those cities are burned to the ground. Meanwhile, Florida has mixed feelings about joining the red states but the Liberal Elite deny Florida membership as punishment for the 2000 and 2004 elections. Texas considers declaring independence but the red states are totally cool with states rights and low taxes so Texas decides not to secede. Personally, I continue to live in Manhattan and talk in a jaded, amused tone about the silly culture war - like it is happening to someone else's country and not mine.

]]> http://www.buzzfeed.com/jonah/the-liberal-elite-get-the-west-coast-the-northeas-9xk-b Tue, 07 Oct 2008 12:41:27 -0400 The Liberal Elite get the west coast, the northeast, and Hawaii for vacations. A luxury, ecologically-friendly bullet train connects both coasts and runs through the occupied territories of OK, AR, and TN. The Elites also get New Orleans because Bush blew the Katrina relief. The Rust Belt states and Redneck states all go red. They rejoice that they can finally cling to guns and religion without getting ridiculed by people who attended four year colleges. Residents of Chicago, IL and Madison, WI are airlifted out by helicopter before those cities are burned to the ground. Meanwhile, Florida has mixed feelings about joining the red states but the Liberal Elite deny Florida membership as punishment for the 2000 and 2004 elections. Texas considers declaring independence but the red states are totally cool with states rights and low taxes so Texas decides not to secede. Personally, I continue to live in Manhattan and talk in a jaded, amused tone about the silly culture war - like it is happening to someone else&#39;s country and not mine. jonah adult The coasts (plus Louisiana) vs. the interior (plus Georgia): It's a straight-up tie, yo. http://www.buzzfeed.com/scott/the-coasts-plus-louisiana-vs-the-interior-plus-9xk-b The coasts (plus Louisiana) vs. the interior (plus Georgia): It's a straight-up tie, yo.

]]> http://www.buzzfeed.com/scott/the-coasts-plus-louisiana-vs-the-interior-plus-9xk-b Tue, 07 Oct 2008 11:34:14 -0400 The coasts (plus Louisiana) vs. the interior (plus Georgia): It&#39;s a straight-up tie, yo. scott adult Even Steven....and I figured blue gets to go to Hawaii since Red has the West Coast (enter earthquak http://www.buzzfeed.com/dwaltman/even-stevenand-i-figured-blue-gets-to-go-to-ha-9xk-1cn Even Steven….and I figured blue gets to go to Hawaii since Red has the West Coast (enter earthquake, fall into ocean) and Gulf Coast.

]]> http://www.buzzfeed.com/dwaltman/even-stevenand-i-figured-blue-gets-to-go-to-ha-9xk-1cn Tue, 07 Oct 2008 11:18:38 -0400 Even Steven....and I figured blue gets to go to Hawaii since Red has the West Coast (enter earthquake, fall into ocean) and Gulf Coast. dwaltman adult This is called the "only states which I have any desire to visit" plan. http://www.buzzfeed.com/chris/this-is-called-the-only-states-which-i-have-any-d-9xk-b This is called the “only states which I have any desire to visit” plan.

]]> http://www.buzzfeed.com/chris/this-is-called-the-only-states-which-i-have-any-d-9xk-b Tue, 07 Oct 2008 11:07:54 -0400 This is called the "only states which I have any desire to visit" plan. chris adult