1. The ability to detach limbs and use them as a weapon.
It’s real! Found as a super power of the hilariously literal hero Arm-Fall-Off Boy. As you can imagine, you can really only use one limb at a time. Also worth noting some humans have this superpower.
2. The ability to communicate and control squirrels, and only squirrels.
Don’t laugh, Squirrel Girl beat Doctor Doom in a brawl once.
3. Super speed as a result of a cobra bite and a blood transfusion from a mongoose.
Some of the finer scientific points of the life-saving procedure that gave Robert Frank (AKA Whizzer) his powers remain a mystery.
4. Inflating the body and bouncing with amazing agility and resistance.
Yes and Bouncing Boy (actual name) has actually made quite a few appearances, including in a recent JLU cartoon.
5. The ability to vibrate things.
Although “Subwoofer” is a perfectly available super hero name, this power belongs to JLA member Vibe. Its utility is somewhat unclear.
6. The power to eat and digest anything without suffering any physical harm.
Yes, Matter-Eater Lad uses his ability to eat and digest his way through tables, walls, and pretty much anything that gets in his way without harming himself. Fans of greasy fast food might argue this power is not entirely useless.
7. The power to eat and digest anything with your external digestive system, in the form of two slugs (that don’t even have rockets or anything).
OK, now this really takes the fun out of being able to eat anything. Maggott does gain some super power from his digestion slugs, but they need to reenter his body before he can absorb the energy, making it pretty useless in a fire fight.
8. The ability to change the color of anything at will.
A “power” made famous by, yes, you guessed it, Color Kid.
9. The ability to create really bright lights.
The only thing more useless than changing colors is just creating light. Although, Dazzler really wanted to be a singer, not a member of the X-Men, so her powers could have been put to good use.
10. The ability to understand any form of communication.
Definitely not useless if you’re a smartphone, but as a hero? Cypher is more like a really useful app.
11. The ability to wield colors and have unpredictable mood swings.
Arguably just the superpower of being human, but Rainbow Girl does it too?
12. Literal street smarts — being a sentient street.
You wouldn’t think a street that could think and do stuff would be an actual character and a useful super power, but you’d be half-wrong. Meet Danny The Street.