• “MARCH Madness?? I’ve had madness since last October when my goat, Nikos, ate a basketball.”

  • “All the spring cleaning in the world can’t wash away the filth of your sins.”

  • “Always wear coat. Even over your coat.”

  • “Tattoos make body look like devil’s sketchpad.”

  • “I don’t care if it’s spring, I no approve of the flings.”

  • “Pull your pants up!”

  • “The proper length of woman’s skirt should be 4 inches below knee ankle.”

  • “Global warming is real. Not because of CO2 emissions, but because the world is getting closer to Hell.”