10 Advantages Of Breastfeeding

Less running. More cookie eating.

1. Because Oreos

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You burn an extra 500 calories a day by doing NOTHING. Have fun on the treadmill suckers.. I’ll just be sitting here drinking wine and eating oreos.

2. Avoiding People

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You get extra breaks during the work day to pump. Sorry you’re stuck at your desk guys, I’ll just be in the pump room avoiding all of you. Finally some peace & quiet.

3. Cleavage

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For those of us who never knew what having boobs felt like, now we do, and it’s fantastic. FINALLY I had a built in contraption (cleavage) to catch the chocolate chips that miss my mouth.

4. Binge Watching Netflix

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An excuse to watch Netflix multiple times a day. Hey, I’m feeding the baby here, don’t talk to me until after this episode. Depending on how much your baby eats, you could get damn near a whole season in in 1 day. #win

5. Dinner is Served

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As leverage for your husband to cook dinner. “Really honey, the least you can do is cook dinner since I make ALL the baby’s meals EVERYday.”

6. An Excuse to be Helpless

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Getting people to do things for you. Hey, can you refill my water? Bring me a snack? Fan me with a palm leaf? Feed me grapes? I can’t really get up right now because I’m feeding the baby.

7. Being Home by 10

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An excuse to come home early from events you don’t want to be at. Face it, girls night out is more exhausting than fun anymore. Unless I can be home by 10 I want no part of it. Not done by 10? Well guys, sorry but I have to go home because my boobs are going to explode. See I’m not a fun hater (although I am), my boobs just have a curfew.

8. COOKIES

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Lactation cookies. No honey, I swear, all the other moms say I HAVE to eat cookies for every meal to help with my supply. You can have your chicken and broccoli, I’m just gonna eat 7 cookies, ya know, because it’s in the best interest of the baby.

9. Being Blunt

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Emotions. You can be an outright bitch and say how you really feel. And if you feel bad afterwards just slip a “Oh I’m sorry, breastfeeding has my emotions all over the place”. Good way to say what you really mean and then blame it on the baby hormones.

10. Skipping leg day. Well actually all days.

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Avoiding the gym. Oh I would love to work out with you, running 5 miles sounds like so much fun, but you see, I’m breastfeeding and exercise gives me clogs, so I better sit this one out.