1. When you drive through town and see a pro-gun, anti-Democrat bumper sticker on every vehicle.
2. And you arrive to school and see various rebel flags in the parking lot.
3. Suddenly, a wild debate starts in your first class about gays, guns, and abortion.
4. A boy announces his love of firearms to protect him against our communist president.
5. The kid next to me tells me he hates Beyonce because she’s in the Illuminati.
6. You try to hide your feelings for fear of your safety.
7. Your classmates ask you if you’re okay.
8. But then it all comes flowing out in one strongly worded run-on sentence.
9. And the entire room stops and looks at you like you just pooped a walrus.
10. Everyone thinks you worship Satan now.
11. Your friends tell you how detrimental you are to our country’s wellbeing.
12. And your mom’s friends tell you you’ll be a conservative by the time you’re 40.
13. You obviously don’t have enough life experience to form a political opinion.
14. But you’ll probably be in hell by then anyway.
In The News Today
- The Dutch Safety Board has released a final report of its investigation into why Malaysian Airlines Flight MH17 broke up over Ukraine in 2014. ›
- Condé Nast has acquired Pitchfork, the independent music website and magazine, for an undisclosed amount.
- Iran's parliament approved a deal on its nuclear program, which was agreed to in July following lengthy talks between six world powers. ›