1. We recommend you listen to this absolute GEM while you read this post
Gotta respect the classics. One Direction, you’re doing it wrong.
2. We both know you spend a lot of time on the Internet
Why not work on your laptop tan with us?
3. And along with being on the Internet, you love to laugh
It’s a satirical news site, and satire is supposed to make you laugh.
4. But not just a cheap laugh, you also enjoy sophisticated humor
Q: Two cats are on a roof, which one falls off first? A: The one with the lowest mu. (That was a sophisticated physics joke.)
5. You already know about The Onion, but you’re intrigued that there’s a new kid on the block
Just like when Harry Potter showed up at Hogwarts.
6. And you know not to judge a book (or newspaper) by its cover
We just started up, so the website isn’t “beautiful” in any sense of the word. I mean, everything about the website screams “rudimentary!”
7. Regardless, you know good writing when you see it
New-spaper, New Girl.
8. You want to hear what’s going on in the world
But with an interesting, satirical twist.
9. And we know how to appeal…
“If you’re a really toned guy, I’m a really toned guy.”
10. …to all demographics
11. We’re even working on a music blog
To bring you undiscovered gems like Womency.
12. Ultimately, we just want to make you smile
Isn’t that cute?
13. And maybe even dance
High School Musical. We continue to respect the classics.