What Straight Boys’ Favorite TV Shows Say About Them

Move along, Tosh.0

2. Mad Men


“Ooh good hair.”
“Probably very suave. Is that even a good thing?”
“Paid for dinner on his mom’s credit card.”
“Likely thinks women should remain in the bedroom.”
“Or the kitchen.”
“I think lots of non-sexist, smart guys watch Mad Men. But also lots of guys who pride themselves on liking to sip whiskey out of a dram glass.”

3. 30 Rock


“Drop my pants immediately”
“Knows when a woman should be in charge.”
“Looks hot in glasses, and without them.”
“Probably gives good oral.”
“Ditto all this for Parks. But the 30 Rock guy is probably hotter.”

4. Entourage


“Ugh no.”
“Go back to Miami.”
“Definitely a douche bag.”

5. House of Cards


“Smart, but an asshole about it”
“Probably an econ major who’s getting by on his parent’s connections”
“Isn’t it 13 hours long? He probably has a good attention span.”

6. Suits


“Ohhhh yes.”
“I’m into it.”
“Questionable morals, excellent foreplay.”
“Bruhs love Suits.”

7. Breaking Bad


“I’d hesitantly pursue.”
“Never has actually bought weed, but smokes it all the time.”
“Thinks drug dealing should get him a Thiel Fellowship.”
“A guy who says House of Cards, Mad Men, or Breaking Bad is his favorite show is a guy who thinks a lot about what his favorite show says about him.”
“I don’t know what you guys are talking about, I would 100% bang.”

9. Louie


“This could be okay. Probably a nice guy.”
“No thoughts or feelings one way or the other.”
“I get the feeling he doesn’t have any friends, though. Like, kind of a sad person.”
“But he’ll be very attentive and treat you right.”
“Depends on how many drinks I’ve had.”

10. American Ninja Warrior


“Totally has never done a push up, but thinks he could.”
“Asks people if they even lift, bro.”
“I don’t even get this show. I just feel like we’d have nothing in common.”

11. Family Guy


“Nooooooooooope.”
“He’s probably in high school.”
“Laid back though. He’ll probably just laugh if you fart in front of him.”
“Honestly, I’d go for it. At least he’s unashamed.”

12. Big Bang Theory


“Skinny”
“He will throw science jargon at you, trying to sound smart. Do not be fooled.”
“Wears a lot of T-shirts from Redbubble and those types of sites.”
“Smartest kid in Geology for non-majors.”

13. Archer


“Oooohhhhh…”
“Hm.”
“Could go either way.”
“Either watching because he’s an actual asshole or because he understands satire.”
“Doesn’t speak to any of his exes.”

15. Jersey Shore


“Could be watching for the lulz. Most likely a guido.”
“I honestly don’t think anyone watches Jersey Shore regularly.”
“There’s no possible explanation of this that could make me take this guy seriously.”

16. The Walking Dead


“*laughs*”
“Oh god.”
“Too intense.”
“A guy who watches the Walking Dead also probably has a gun.”
“And a home gym that he never uses.”
“He’s a pretty good guy, but it’s possible he has a zombie apocalypse plan for his house but no fire extinguisher.”
“This guy could kind of hyperactive but it translates to being unexpectedly amazing in bed.”

17. The Simpsons


“Is that even a thing?”
“For like the 40+ sector?”
“Oh that’s fair.”
“Idk. Maybe he’s just a comedy hipster.”
“Or just, you know, a normal dude.”

18. Bob’s Burgers


“Is this even a show? Why can’t I just find a man who watches 30 rock and parks and community?”
“Bobs Burgers is cute! I would date this guy.”
“Didn’t go to college, but is smart.”
“His second favorite show is Archer. His third favorite show is Family Guy.”

20. Community


“Yes!”
“Really depends. If he ‘totally relates with Jeff,’ definitely not.”
“But more likely, he appreciates good comedy. I say yes.”
“Probably a huge nerd, possibly in a cute way.”
“We could play dungeons and dicks.”

21. Tosh.0


“Ugh.”
“No thanks.”
“Please don’t talk to me.”
“Tries to think of funny photo captions and Facebook comments, but they’re always awkwardly worded, you know?”

22. Workaholics


“Definitely isn’t a workaholic.”
“Probably a guy who’s described by his friends as ‘lots of fun’”
“Not necessarily a bad thing.”
“Tells a lot of trailing stories about his frat.”
“I’d stare at the screen for a little while, then swipe left.”

23. Game of Thrones


“In the immortal words of Ben Wyatt - ‘it’s a crossover hit!’ I’m down.”
“Potentially a sexist douche bag. Equally potentially a fan of strong female characters.”
“Either totally awesome, or a Men’s Rights Activist.”

24. Sons of Anarchy


“Tough guy. Machismo. Etc.”
“A guy whose favorite show is Sons of Anarchy is totally comfortable starting a sentence with ‘I’m not racist, but…’”
“Watches sports games way too intensely, is annoyed by the result for longer than is appropriate.”

25. Saturday Night Live


“His sense of humor consists of referencing other people’s jokes poorly.”
“Probably doesn’t have the attention span for a full dinner date.”
“Another possibility - he’s a workaholic with a full schedule and ‘just wants to unwind.’”

27. How I Met Your Mother


“He’ll be super nice to you unless you say you aren’t interested. Then he’ll be rude and resentful.”
“Either he thinks he’s a Ted, in which case he thinks he’s a romantic but is actually just self-absorbed, or he thinks he’s a Barney, in which case he’s just a gross bearded guy.”
“Or he’s a Marshall. In which case, get on that D.”
“Yes. But be careful of a sulky Marshall. You either die a Marshall or live long enough to see yourself become a Ted.”
“This guy doesn’t want to be pushed into anything. He likes his comfy T-shirts and shorts, and doesn’t see why he needs to change.”

28. Doctor Who


“Probably posts on message boards about Dr. Who. Take that as you will.”
“When you find some common ground with a Whovian, he will be condescending about your level of interest in it.”
“This guys is probably very sweet. Chivalrous in a good non-gross way.”
“He’ll knit you guys some matching scarves.”

29. Arrested Development


“Every guy I have ever dated or will ever date has liked Arrested Development.”
“This guy probably has keen social intelligence. I say yes. Good one to take home to the parents.”
“Yes yes yes yes. Yes.”
“Has a cute relationship with his siblings and/or parents.”

30. Dexter


“RUN.”

31. Sherlock


“Yeah, I’m down.”
“Down to mainline Law and Order with you on a Friday night. I’m for it.”
“I’d fuck this guy, but regret it. You know? Like he’d be really smug about it afterwards.”
“British guys are hot. This guy probably isn’t British, though.”
“High functioning alcoholic.”

32. Two and a Half Men


“Not sure about this one. Definitely tread carefully.”
“Tells a lot of jokes about feminism. Thinks you’re proving his point if you don’t think they’re funny.”
“Charlie or Ashton? That’s the true question.”
“This guy hasn’t watched TV or seen the news in at least four years.”

33. Lost


“Meh.”
“Thinks movies like Avengers and The Day After Tomorrow deserved the Oscar.”
“Chronic overthinker.”
“Makes a lot of explosive sounds and other onomatopoeia with his mouth and hands.”

Fox / Netflix / FX

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