Ten American Idol Judges Whose Opinion You’d Actually Respect

It’s official, Randy “Dawg” Jackson is [finally!] leaving American idol. Here are a few suggestions of actually-talented people who should replace him…complete with some really fun plays on word.

This…is Randy Jackson

He has been a host on American Idol since its inception in 2002. Although he is the only judge who has been on the show the entire time it has been on the air, no one in America is quite sure why. The following is a compilation of 10 singers who actually have the accolades, talent, and credibility to be an American Idol judge. Fox, are you listening?

1. Aretha Franklin

R-e-s-p-e-c-t Fox make her an offer, please. Seriously, they’d be a Chain of Fools not to consider her. Let’s Say a Little Prayer that the Queen of Soul will get a call for this position.

2. Celine Dion

A New Day Has Come which means its time to get this French-Canadian songstress into one of the judges seats. Just Because She Loved You doesn’t mean you’ll make it to the final round. But fret not, Your Heart Will Go On because That’s The Way It Is.

3. David Bowie

Although performers will be Under Pressure to do well, this Magic Dancing Ziggy Stardust Goblin King really knows his shit and could certainly help you on the road to Faaaaaaaaame.

4. Debbie Harry

This Blondie will find One Way or Another to deliver that sometimes Atomic constructive criticism in a way that won’t shatter your Heart of Glass

5. Elton John

Your Song will definitely be heard by this RocketmanTiny Dancer who is a master at tickling the ivories and singing that Crocodile Rock that you love. Don’t Go Breaking My Heart, Fox, Feel the Love Tonight and make this man an offer.

6. Annie Lenox

While you might think that there will be No More I Love Yous when this bad ass bitch enters the building, you would be wrong. She won’t Walk on Broken Glass and will tell you Why you will or will not be successful and make those Sweet Dreams of yours come true.

7. Cher

If only we could Turn Back Time and make her an offer ten years ago. Cher will Believe that you are Strong Enough to make it through the competition and let the other judges know that they have Found Someone to take away their heartache.

8. Stevie Wonder

This Superstitious singer will take you to a Higher Ground with his coaching and words of wisdom. Come on, Fox, let’s get this mans contract Signed, Sealed, and Delivered. Even if you can’t make him an offer, at least, Just Call to Say You Love Him.

9. Stevie Nicks

Just like the white-winged dove this lady sings a song sounds like she’s singing “ooo baby, ooo, said ooo”. You’ll have to Stand Back for the Landslide of positive vibes that this judge would bring to the room.

10. Pat Benatar

Hit this lady with your best shot, idol hopefuls. While the music industry can be a Heartbreaker this judge would prove that even though the road to the top can be a Battlefield that there will be a special spot reserved for you if You Belong.

The following people are far too busy taking over the world, but it’s still fun to think about the awesome judges they would be

Beyoncé

This Irreplaceable Diva will be The Best Thing American Idol Never Had. All that we’re left with are the Sweet Dreams of what could have been.

Award Nominations: 529 Wins: 289

11. Alicia Keys

This Girl is On Fire right now, which means No One will be able to see her sitting at the judges table next season. Not sure how we’ll get over it if We Ain’t Got Her - guess we’ll just have to Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart.

Award Nominations: 194 Wins: 104

12. Adele

Rumor Has It this British powerhouse is not slowing down anytime soon. We’ll be Rolling in the Deep of our tears, but if we Chase enough Pavement maybe we’ll be able to find Someone Like Her.

Award Nominations: 173 Wins: 87

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