Watch The Dee Snider/Flava Flav “Celebrity Wife Swap” Go Down In Flames

I tuned into “Celebrity Wife Swap” last night and what I saw was severely disappointing: Flava Flav is just a child stuck inside of a 57-year-old’s body. No wonder he never found love on all of those “Flavor Of Love” shows.

Last week’s “Celebrity Wife Swap” was so bizarrely entertaining that I figured I might as well keep on watching. Being a teenager who grew up listening to Dee Snider’s morning show (RIP, Radio 104) and a VH1 reality show junkie, I knew there was no way I wouldn’t be entertained by the episode.

After I got over my disappointment about the woman whom Flav had finally chosen to settle down with (sorry, Liz: but he could have had New York!) I became even more disappointed: Flav is kind of delusional and self-absorbed. Suzette, wife of Dee Snider, quickly learned as much and after much frustration, packed her bags and left the show early.

I thought I knew a lot about Flava Flav from watching all of his VH1 reality shows: “The Surreal Life,” “Strange Love” (miss you Brigitte), and all three seasons of “Flavor of Love.” All trash reality television aside, I learned some new things about Flav last night:

• Flava Flav does not like rules.
• Flava Flav goes bowling with his boys every single day.
• Flava Flav feeds his baby McDonalds french fries.
• Flava Flav is addicted to making phone calls.
• Flava Flav does not want his sons to watch him have a temper tantrum.
• Though he was on that string of reality shows during the same time, Flav claims he’s been with Liz for 8 years.
• Despite the many clocks he wears around his neck, Flava Flav is incapable of arriving places on time.
• It takes an extra 20 minutes for Flav to go to the grocery store because he always stops to take photos with fans.
• The entrance to Flava Flav’s room looks like a rebellious 10-year-old’s:

Later in the episode, the couples reunited with each other and quickly returned to fighting. Suzette went on about how Flav is a “manipulator” who “played” her and poor Liz just sat there without much to fire back with. By the end of the tirade, the mic captured a moment where Liz complained in Flav’s ear about his lack of compliments toward her, which really says it all?

Advantage: The Sniders. Something tells me that Flav was seriously in the dog house after the show filmed and is probably back there again after the show aired last night. Those masterful hands of ABC’s editing team clearly cut together all of Flav’s worst moments for the television audience to see, leaving this Flava Flav fan seriously saddened by the reflection of a man I once rooted for to find true love.

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