Tweet #1 check out how hot and hilarious my wife is. #breakinginonfox
— Nick Offerman (@Nick_Offerman) March 7, 2012
Please enjoy a picture of my balls. twitter.com/Nick_Offerman/…
— Nick Offerman (@Nick_Offerman) March 8, 2012
This is where I keep my powder-actuated fasteners: twitter.com/Nick_Offerman/…
— Nick Offerman (@Nick_Offerman) March 8, 2012
Well I'm in a goddamn good mood right now. I could give a frog twelve dollars right now. (Xept he'd probably spend it on flies)
— Louis C.K. (@louisck) March 8, 2012
we need to be wary of traditionally paternalistic attitudes toward other nations and make sure we are acting as "helpers" not encroachers.
— Don Cheadle (@IamDonCheadle) March 8, 2012
When we choose to get involved in giving logistical "support" I believe we see positive changes historically. But we know full well
— Don Cheadle (@IamDonCheadle) March 8, 2012
that's not the only way we've been "involved" in the past. Just need to be mindful of that.
— Don Cheadle (@IamDonCheadle) March 8, 2012
Its not your favourite but it explains everything.
— Lana Del Rey (@LanaDelRey) March 8, 2012
I don't think I will watch any more 'Finding Bigfoot' until they change the name to 'It's Just Not Gonna Happen'.
— Rob Huebel (@robhuebel) March 8, 2012
I wish I didn't feel surprised every time my email notification pops up right after I've just forwarded something to myself.
— Danielle Fishel (@daniellefishel) March 8, 2012
Pat Robertson says marijuana should be legalized. Now we know why he said those crazy things about Katrina -- he was stoned out of his mind.
— Joy Behar (@JoyVBehar) March 8, 2012
Every day should be National Women's Day. I mean, what the hell would we do without you ladies?
— devon sawa (@DevonESawa) March 8, 2012
.... But we men should get some thanks for all the jar opening and bug killing we do. Am I right?
— devon sawa (@DevonESawa) March 8, 2012
my elbow is spasming???
— Lo Bosworth (@LoBosworth) March 8, 2012
I listen to Chubstep
— Andy Milonakis (@AndyMilonakis) March 8, 2012
The boys pulled me over for a pic! Great group of guys! twitter.com/MichaelChiklis…
— Michael Chiklis (@MichaelChiklis) March 8, 2012
My kissing game is off the charts. My tongue moves so seductively inside of your mouth. I pull away and wink at you and then move back in.
— Chris D'Elia (@chrisdelia) March 8, 2012
Are you ready for some baseball?!
— Fred Willard (@Fred_Willard) March 8, 2012
Yu's on first.
— Fred Willard (@Fred_Willard) March 8, 2012
Frank McCourt is the ump.
— Fred Willard (@Fred_Willard) March 8, 2012
Jesus is on third.
— Fred Willard (@Fred_Willard) March 8, 2012
I don't know's on second.
— Fred Willard (@Fred_Willard) March 8, 2012
Magazine editors, pls note: In articles about how to dress to hide Trouble areas, the gals w/'Boyish Figures' aren't really in Trouble.
— Ana Gasteyer (@AnaGasteyer) March 8, 2012
On set. Leggo!instagr.am/p/H6066vOS4b/
— Kim Kardashian (@KimKardashian) March 8, 2012
I can't believe I said leggo. I hate when people say that! LOL
— Kim Kardashian (@KimKardashian) March 8, 2012
This is the emotional meal I am serving today: Sincerity on a bed of bullshit with a vinegar and sarcasm dressing. Very filling. Enjoy
— David Koechner (@DavidKoechner) March 8, 2012
But everyday is women's day!
— peaches (@peachesnisker) March 8, 2012
Well, it is International Women's day and all the women who are not international are left out again. What a world.
— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) March 8, 2012
I feel hot, stupid, useless, and idiotic .....Hmmmm, must be Thursday
— Kirstie Alley (@kirstiealley) March 8, 2012
SomeBody Just Called Me The White Usher .... Hmmmm #icanlivewiththat
— DJ Pauly D (@DJPaulyD) March 8, 2012
Time to do some spring cleaning not only in my house but in my life as well!!.. Time for some good change
— Audrina Patridge (@AudrinaPatridge) March 8, 2012
Tanzania here we come!!! twitter.com/MalinAkerman/s…
— Malin Akerman (@MalinAkerman) March 8, 2012
I'd never wish a miscarriage on Snooki! If I wanna see a ‘Jersey Shore’ miscarriage, I’ll watch The Situation try to roast Trump again!
— Lisa Lampanelli (@LisaLampanelli) March 7, 2012
Last nights solar flare changed the key of my dial tone, turned my electric toothbrush timer to "infinity" and set me up a hotmail account
— josh groban (@joshgroban) March 8, 2012
Come on haters is that the best you got make my day
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 8, 2012
All the haters can kiss my ass
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 8, 2012
All the haters bring it on you complete me
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 8, 2012
Dear Pimple andfamily- I really don't like you. I'd appreciate it if u stayed out of my life. Please leave my forehead I'd appreciate it.
— Serena Williams (@serenawilliams) March 8, 2012
Woke up singing "You are my son" to my cat.
— eric wareheim (@ericwareheim) March 8, 2012