What’s your wallpaper on your phone and/or computer?
I have no idea. I don’t think I have one.
When you walk into a bar, what do you typically order?
If I drink, I’m gonna drink tequila. It’s all the same shit. Liquor’s all poison. No sense fooling yourself. And to you people who think it’s healthy, that includes wine. It’s sugar and yeast.
What’s the one word you are guilty of using too often?
I overuse the phrase “Oh, for fuck’s sake.”
What is the last thing you searched for on Google?
It was a poll. They polled Republicans and found amazing things, like half of them think global warming is a hoax. And half of them don’t believe in evolution. Half think Obama will “find a way to stay in office” after 2017.
Who is the last person that called or texted you?
My assistant, to tell me that you were here.
What was the last awkward situation you were in, and how did you handle it?
This is. These stupid questions. I handled it by being a complete gentleman. By being the pussycat that I always am.
When is the last time you went to a theater?
I love to go to the movies. The last movie I saw in the theater was Gravity. It strained my credulity, but sometimes that can be funny.
What TV show should everyone should be watching?
Real Time with Bill Maher. (Laughs.) Or Cosmos. Learn some science, people!
And what is your TV guilty pleasure?
It’s a toss-up between Vikings and Banshee. Boys’ stuff.
What’s the first CD you bought?
It was the mid-’80s — Paul Simon’s The Rhythm of the Saints.
What is the one food you cannot resist?
I can resist all foods. Food has never been a problem for me. I would never say that I do everything good, but I eat pretty good. In my life I’ve had a much harder time with vices other than food.
What music are you currently listening to?
Elton John’s Goodbye Yellow Brick Road. They re-released it. It’s the 40th anniversary, I guess. It was his most amazing album; I remember it when I was a sophomore in high school.
What movie makes you laugh the most?
Bruno. It’s laugh-out-loud funny.
What drives you absolutely crazy?
Pick one: kittens or puppies?
Dogs. I’m not a cat person.
New York or Los Angeles?
Comedy or drama?
Bacon or Nutella?
I don’t know what that means. Nutella, I’ve never heard of it and I would never eat it. And I certainly would never eat bacon. I choose C: starving.
’80s or ’90s?
‘90s. I mean, ‘80s was Reagan and bad hair…so ‘90s.
Hannah Montana or Lizzie McGuire?
I don’t know who Lizzie McGuire is. I know Hannah Montana was Miley Cyrus’ alter ego, although I never saw the show. But I like Miley Cyrus, so I’ll say that.
And finally: Tell us a secret.
I’m a big tipper.