Joel McHale Plays Pop-Culture "Would You Rather"

He also gives us the details on The Soup Investigates, a new Klondike campaign, the upcoming season of Community — and Dan Harmon’s involvement with it.

Before we play “Would You Rather,” tell me: how did you first get involved with the Klondike campaign?

Joel McHale: They found me on a park bench — it was, like, my 700th Klondike bar in a row — and they decided to take pity on me and give them to me for free, thank god.

I take it you’re not lactose intolerant.

JM: I am not lactose intolerant. I feel bad for lactose-intolerant people because I am VERY tolerant.

Well, I actually am lactose intolerant, and let me tell you: It sucks.

JM: I can’t even imagine what that would be like. Just know that I am upholding all of the lactose intake for all of you who can’t.

On that note, what is your favorite flavor of ice cream?

JM: Well, it depends. I mean, I love chocolate if it’s alone, but I like vanilla when it’s covered in chocolate.

You’re essentially acting as the host of this Klondike challenge. Between this and the launch of The Soup Investigates, do you find that you are getting more and more offers to host things?

JM: Well, no, not really! It’s just a coincidence that this came together at the same time. Right now I’m in New York, where I’m working on a movie where I’m not hosting it, and of course there’s Community. Those are both, you know, acting.

Of course.

JM: The Soup Investigates was a [way to fill] that half hour after The Soup, and E! wanted to put something in there. K.P. Anderson, our executive producer, said, “How about we do something like The Daily Show but less intelligent, where it’s just field pieces?” and I said, “Yeah, I’ll be in it as long as I can sit in a chair.” So that’s how it came together.

And then Klondike came to me because it’s the summer — when people like to eat cold treats, but not me. I like to eat them in the dead of winter, even when I’m skiing, but that’s just me.

Everyone seems to be really excited about the return of Community this fall, especially now that Dan Harmon is returning. Have you or the the cast spoken much since the news that Dan Harmon is returning, or will you see each other for the first time at a table read?

JM: I have not seen [Dan] yet, but I will see him definitely before the table read because I’m trying to get my movie schedule worked out so that I can go to Comic Con, but I don’t know if it’s possible. But yeah, I’m super, super, super, super excited to get back to work. I love the show, and I’m really excited for the fifth season. It’s kind of unbelievable.

I’m not sure how much you can disclose about something like this, but the internet seems to think that you are the reason Dan Harmon got his job back. Is there any truth to this?

JM: You know, Dan created the show, and it’s all in Dan’s brain. We all agreed as kind of a cast that he’s really the voice of the show and to have him back is really important. Huge credit to NBC and Sony that they were game. I am very, very happy, and so was the cast that they were [up for it].

I’m interested to see what happens to Jeff Winger now that he’s finally graduated. Do you have any idea how often he’ll be hanging around Greendale, or is that something that could drastically change now that Dan Harmon is involved again?

JM: I would love to know the answer to that, but Dan’s brain is like The Sorcerer’s Stone or something, so I don’t know. I’m very curious to find out, though. I know that the writers are writing stories now, so I can only speculate and assume that we can find Jeff probably in a field somewhere in North Africa in as a shepherd. Believe me, I’m just as curious as you are. I wish I could give you a more definite answer.

Well, you can give me a few definite answers to the “Would You Rather” portion of this interview. I’m going to give you two options and you MUST pick one of them. No cheating.

JM: Well, we’ll see. I know that you want me to stick to your BuzzFeed internet rules, but we’ll just see.

In the spirit of how the Klondike campaign, would you rather be able to do the Carlton Dance or be able to do Michael Jackson’s moonwalk?

JM: That is a good one. I’m gonna have to go with Tony Basil’s “Hey Mickey.” No, let’s go with the Carlton Dance.

Would you rather have to lip-synch for your life on RuPaul’s Drag Race or have to compete against a Real World/Road Rules contestant in a highly physical elimination on The Challenge?

JM: Oh, I’d much rather be on RuPaul’s Drag Race. I don’t want to be around those filthy Real World people or The Gauntlet people. I can’t keep them straight.

Would you rather have Dog the Bounty Hunter as your personal bodyguard or Steven Seagal?

JM: Well, each of them have their advantages. Like, Dog the Bounty Hunter can cough nicotine onto anyone and he will slay them. Whereas Steven Seagal will eat them. So I’m gonna go with Seagal.

Would you rather take a class about crystals taught by Spencer Pratt or be lectured about how to obtain English lordship by Scott Disick?

JM: I’m gonna go with the crystals class just because I could throw them back at him.

Would you rather be in the passenger seat of a car being driven by Justin Bieber or the Dunkadooballs lady?

JM: Oh, well, if Bieber’s going to drive the leopard-print Audi that he has, then Bieber. Because it’s VERY incognito.

Would you rather be trapped overnight in an auditorium with all of the Kardashians or the cast from every season of The Bad Girls Club?

JM: Oy vey. That’s, uh…boy. I’m gonna go with The Bad Girls Club only because I think Bruce Jenner wants me dead.

Who would you rather be stopped on the street by and yelled at because you made fun of them on The Soup: an angry Tyra Banks or Elisabeth Hasselbeck?

JM: We haven’t made fun of either of them in a very long time so, boy. That’s really hard. We haven’t made fun of them in so long! I’m going to have to call an audible and say I’d like for them to both yell at me at once.

Would you rather be stuck in a steam room with Ryan Seacrest for two hours or have to marathon every episode of Rock of Love and Rock of Love Bus in succession with two girls from the show?

JM: You’re, like, a professional journalist, right? I would go with Seacrest and I would not have to be forced.

Would you rather be an anchor on Good Day New York or Good Day LA?

JM: Boy, if I’d have to sit next to Greg Kelly then I’d have to wear a helmet, so Good Day LA.

Who would you rather have as your own mom: Tan Mom or Octomom?

JM: I’m gonna go with…uh, oof, um. I’m gonna jump off a building with that one. I would just leap to my death.

Well, thanks for talking to me today, Joel — and for enduring our “Would You Rather” questions.

JM: Thank you for taking the time, and if you eat enough Klondike bars eventually you will become lactose tolerant.

I’ll tell my doctor you said that.

JM: I’ll be happy to talk to him for you.

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