Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Salacious Debut In “The Client List”

“The Client List” — the Lifetime TV show starring Jennifer Love Hewitt about a down-on-her-luck lady who finds work at an upscale massage parlor that specializes in, er, happy endings — made its grand debut tonight.

Video available at: http://buzzfeed-video1.s3.amazonaws.com/video/2012/04/06/clientelistrty-624x356.mp4.

For those who can’t watch the above video for whatever reason, here’s a quick summary:

“Hey old friend I just ran into! I’m poor, need a job. Hey, how do u have such a nice car?”

“GURL I have the BEST job, tips are great: the harder I work, the bigger they get!” (actual quote)

“I can haz job here?”

“You’re Hired!”

“Hey!”

“I don’t do that.”

“Well you really should if you want to make any money.”

“I ain’t doin’ that.”

“You don’t have to. 90% of the time this is a classy massage parlor. The other 10% of men who get happy endings are on our Client List, duh.”

“O shit my husband left me.”

“Sooo… about those sex acts I said I wouldn’t perform…”

~music similar to bow-chicka-wow-wow~

“Oh hai boyz!”

“Not cool, u guyz. Not cool.”

THE END.

If this seems familiar to some, you’re right: this was originally a Lifetime movie that premiered two years ago but the network liked the concept so much they brought it back as a series. …I know!