The first look at the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills cast member’s book comes courtesy of Life & Style and it sure is juicy! Here are some of the jaw-dropping quotes with a few Brandi reaction GIFs thrown in to help you digest them.
To bring you up to speed, these quotes begin right around when Brandi was still married to Eddie Cibrian and suspected him of cheating:
I’m not entirely sure how I ended up on the floor of my closet sobbing…a teary-eyed Eddie found me lying there minutes later, and without saying so much as a word, he started kissing me all over…he pulled off my workout pants and we started having sex right there.
He swore up and down my body that it wasn’t true…that it was completely innocent. In that moment, it was easier to believe him, because I just couldn’t stand the thought of being without him.
LeAnn had ‘accidentally’ smeared some cake frosting on her top (she was still a bigger girl and completely flat-chested at the time) and asked my husband, not realizing that I was standing behind the both of them, if he wanted lick it off her.
This woman asked my husband if he wanted to eat the frosting mess she’d dropped on her nonexistent chest?
He hadn’t realized I was there, either, and he laughed with hungry eyes at the suggestion.
I was a jobless, homeless, mother of two living out of her $1,200-a-month SUV and couch-surfing from one hospitable friend to the next.
After my divorce — even with the help of Lexapro — I fell into a bit of a tailspin [and an eventual DUI arrest]. White wine became my constant shoulder to lean on.
This pretty intense surgery had an even more intense price tag: $12,000. A brand-new vagina would be an Eddie-free vagina.
I decided that since Eddie had ruined my vagina for me, he could pay for a new one. I gave [the doctor’s office] Eddie’s credit card number.
I would like to thank my ex-husband, Edward Cibrian, for giving me all the material I could ever need to write this book and for helping me discover the strong independent woman inside of me.