Friday the 13th ! be careful ! love Diane
— DVF (@DVF) April 13, 2012
I dont think "Do you still talk to the Olsen twins" is a legitimate security question at LAX.
— Dave Coulier (@DaveCoulier) April 13, 2012
Just watched Benjamin Button for the first time and I cried on the airplane
— Skrillex(@Skrillex) April 13, 2012
@Beyonce Thank you for the beautiful letter and for being a role model who kids everywhere can look up to. –mo
— Michelle Obama (@MichelleObama) April 13, 2012
Congrats Brangelina on your engagement!#DreamsComeTrue
— Spencer Pratt(@spencerpratt) April 13, 2012
I wonder if all the lighting today is because of Brangelinas engagement announcement!?
— Spencer Pratt(@spencerpratt) April 13, 2012
I love my lips check out all the other designs at spoiledbrat.co.uk yfrog.com/hsg4hhcij
— Katie Price/Jordan (@MissKatiePrice) April 13, 2012
R u going to go "all night long" this wknd? Probably not as 7 to 13 mins is avg for intercourse. Don't forget to add foreplay too.
— Dr. Ruth Westheimer (@AskDrRuth) April 13, 2012
Sometimes Blake Shelton acts like he's never seen entertainment before.
— Andy Richter (@Andy_Richter) April 13, 2012
I would never eat at "Hooters." But I would definitely eat at "Saggers."
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) April 13, 2012
Ashamed to admit I just enabled my emoji keyboard. STOP ME BEFORE I DO SOMETHING I REGRET✌👿😃 💚👫💋💋
— Susan Orlean (@susanorlean) April 13, 2012
Crazy dream about Lionel Richie last night! #cantslowdown
— Andy Cohen (@BravoAndy) April 13, 2012
Btw why did Lionel feel the need to re-record Endless Love? #ShaniaIsNoDiana
— Andy Cohen (@BravoAndy) April 13, 2012
Diplomatic room, US dept of State. Making my remarks at Horatio Alger assoc. twitter.com/RobLowe/status…
— Rob Lowe (@RobLowe) April 13, 2012
I love it when it's the 13th. Clearly.
— taylorswift13 (@taylorswift13) April 13, 2012
The number of T-shirts I own that I refuse to wear vastly outnumbers the number T-shirts I own that I will wear.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) April 13, 2012
Is it me or is "Who Wore it Best?" really "What 2 Gals Wore the Same Bad Dress?!?" I'm one2talk I know! Lol! But sometimes it's like a trend
— Debbie Gibson (@DebbieGibson) April 13, 2012
And sometimes they pick the worst one but they're just skinnier which really pisses me off!
— Debbie Gibson (@DebbieGibson) April 13, 2012
Seal is a beautiful lover.I can tell from his music.
— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) April 13, 2012
Reason that girl almost voted off idol: constant yapping about alter ego. If she says bee bee chez one more time America will vomit.
— Howard Stern (@HowardStern) April 13, 2012
Is it possible to eat Burger King by yourself and not look suicidal?
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) April 13, 2012
I LOVE @DonRickles.There's nothing more to say..... twitter.com/Joan_Rivers/st…
— Joan Rivers (@Joan_Rivers) April 13, 2012
If you're feeling bad about yourself, keep in mind that Brad Pitt is engaged to Billy Bob Thornton's sloppy seconds.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) April 13, 2012
Do you know millions of people can see this shit you post? RT @KimKardashian: Did you know that male sea horses give birth not the female.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) April 13, 2012
went to the children's hospital today to cheer up moms of 7 year old's who had no idea who I was.
— Adam Carolla (@adamcarolla) April 13, 2012
I have decided to use food to deal w/my problems. Tonights dinner was a loaded baked potato followed by a 1/2 can of cake frosting.
— DJ Qualls (@TheOnlyDJQualls) April 13, 2012
In related news, nothing matters and my mother was right.
— DJ Qualls (@TheOnlyDJQualls) April 13, 2012
Boyfriend: "I threw out the Doritos." Me: "But I didn't even get to say goodbye!" #weekend
— Kat Dennings (@OfficialKat) April 13, 2012
getting ready to fart.
— Judah Friedlander (@JudahWorldChamp) April 13, 2012
almost ready to fart.
— Judah Friedlander (@JudahWorldChamp) April 13, 2012
Just watched Hunger Games. What a fantastic film! Really enjoyed it. Amazing cast and interesting story line. Loved it. ☺
— Paris Hilton (@ParisHilton) April 13, 2012
wait..... mel gibson is anti semitic????
— samantha ronson (@samantharonson) April 13, 2012
Cory Booker is like if Ryan Gosling and Cory Booker had a kid. #miraclebaby
— Jessi Klein (@jessirklein) April 13, 2012
Hey @Drake thanks for teaching my kids how to sing the n-word so beautifully.
— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) April 13, 2012
Home twitter.com/mradamscott/st…
— Adam Scott (@mradamscott) April 13, 2012
Def. over emotional! Blocking everyone that annoys me on twitter lmao who does that. #pregnantproblems
— NiC0LE P0LiZZi (@snooki) April 13, 2012
DOG is my co-pilot
— Isaac Mizrahi (@IsaacMizrahi) April 13, 2012
I have five o'clock shadow on my back.
— Judd Apatow (@JuddApatow) April 13, 2012
Just FYI, if you want to get them a present, Brad and Angelina are registered at Black Babies, Bath and Beyond.
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) April 13, 2012
Got a quickie aborsh in case R v W gets overturned say.ly/umV33Z1
— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) April 12, 2012
Mankind didn't invent sex, or sex appeal, but we sure did ruin it!
— Shawn Stockman (@shawnstockman) April 13, 2012
Guys, look into your girl's eyes & say "I'm more into you than Tommy Lee Jones is into doing those Ameriprise commercials."
— Todd Barry (@toddbarry) April 13, 2012
You are hardcore OCD if the backwards "Я" in Toys "Я" Us drives you berserk.
— Dane Cook (@danecook) April 13, 2012
With Captain America @achrisevans ! Told him I would play "Captain Latin America!" #Sisepuede! yfrog.com/oetvvqzj
— Mario Lopez (@MarioLopezExtra) April 13, 2012
