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    10 Biggest Celebrity Messes

    If only some sanitizing wipes and a splash of perfume could fix their problems. Herewith, the biggest celebrity disasters of This Our Tabloid Era.

    • 1. Britney Spears

      The original Great American Tragedy: she dropped the accent and the pink wig, but she's under parental surveillance, her tour's a mess, and she's still in love with Justin. America, look what you've done.

    • 2. Lindsay Lohan

      It's just infuriating at this point. Eat something. Stay at home. Avoid fake tans. Come on, LiLo, help a fanbase out.

    • 3. Pete Doherty

      The English-speaking world's favorite male crackhead is considerate enough to check in on his local London police station at least once a month. How he manages to keep it up for the various supermodels he beds is something of a scientific mystery.

    • 4. Amy Winehouse

      Amy would be the English-speaking world's favorite female crackhead. These days she's more of a plain drunk, but she managed to get hauled into court within 3 days of her return to the UK, so. Potato potahto.

    • 5. Courtney Love

      She has a fair number of legitimate excuses, but the colorful blogging and dramatic weight loss don't really paint a picture of someone who is "dealing" well.

    • 6. Joaquin Phoenix

      Ok, buddy, rap career or no, the bloating, facial hair, spaciness, and assaults on random fans are starting to grate.

    • 7. Drew Barrymore

      What. Are. You. Wearing?

    • 8. Mickey Rourke

      No really, what are you wearing?

    • 9. Paula Abdul

      Paula is a Mess of Hope, of Joy, of the Mysteries of Painkillers. Really though, as long as she is safe, maybe don't clean her up, because American Idol is a hoot.

    • 10. Mischa Barton

      Poor Marissa Cooper; your mom is a porno and the next thing you know you're dead on a mountaintop (she died on a mountaintop, right?) and you can't get another decent job to save your life.