1. For starters: when people say “Chelsea is a girl’s name,” you know you’ll never speak to them again.
They will never be worth your time. Ever.
2. And of course, we all know Eden Hazard is the next great thing in the Premier League.
And he’ll be the only thing if he keeps breaking everyone’s ankles…
3. It’s a fact of life that when Mikel scores, it’s a guaranteed win.
The stats don’t lie.
4. You remember exactly where you were on May 19, 2012 for some strange reason…
Actually it’s not that strange. Not at all.
5. Whenever you find yourself holding a crying baby, for some reason you burst into ♫ carefree, wherever we may be ♫
But you catch yourself before the 4th line. Kids, you know.
6. You often point out that our army of attacking midfielders is ABSOLUTELY necessary.
7. Transfer rumors mean nothing anymore, because let’s face it, everyone has been linked to Chelsea at some point in time.
It’s a tough life, being on top, isn’t it?
8. You feel the need to defend your loyalty by emphasizing that you were a fan before Abramovich showed up.
Even though you technically didn’t start cheering for them until mid-2004…
9. It is your greatest hope that John Terry and Frank Lampard become good guy versions of Ryan Giggs…
Never retire. Please.
10. You like to drunkenly talk about the prospect of someday settling down in West London.
Even if it might be a bit financially challenging…
11. You never stop defending the actions of John Terry and Ashley Cole.
Look, everyone makes mistakes, ok? Sheesh.
12. You always roll your eyes when pundits claim they’ve found the next Drogba.
There is only one. There will only ever be one.
13. After much practice, you can finally pronounce “Azpilicueta” flawlessly.
And you also pounce on the opportunity to correct others when they screw it up.
16. Regardless of your sexual orientation, you TOTALLY have a thing for this guy.
17. So naturally, you never miss his press conferences.
Life has its priorities. This is one of them.
19. You’ve had to explain to your friends why the term “Fat Spanish Waiter” brings back bad memories.
Those were dark days…
20. Whenever Liverpool fans bring up Torres, you automatically respond with “Andy Carroll.”
21. And you certainly ignore any childish squabbles of the trophy-less north London rivals.
Haters gonna hate.
22. And throughout all the referee conspiracies, abuse from other fans, club drama, and tough times…you always Keep The Blue Flag Flying High.
Flying high, up in the sky,
We’ll keep the blue flag flying high
From Stamford Bridge to Wemb(er)ley
We’ll keep the blue flag flying high!