1. Homing Pigeons
Soldiers in WWI and WWII used homing pigeons to deliver messages to each other by rolling notes up and putting them inside tubes that were attached to the birds’ feet. Get these guys to an Early Bird Special; they are veterans!
2. Hypoglycemia-Detecting Dogs
Some dogs can detect when a diabetic person has a low blood sugar, and alert them of when they are on the verge of hypoglycemia. Can YOU do that? Thought not.
3. Fishing Cormorants
Fishermen in China, Japan and Macedonia frequently rely on cormorants (a type of seagull/crane hybrid) to help them fulfill their daily fish quota. Let’s hope they also get a cut of the sushi dinners.
4. Detection Dogs
Detection dogs keep our country safe by using their noses and alerting the police of any bombs or explosive materials that might be present.
5. Guide Ponies
Much like guide dogs, guide horses lead the visually impaired around obstacles. They are more patient, kind, and reliable than you, AND quite possibly look better in purple shoes than Prince.
6. Rescue Dogs
Since the 1800s, Saint Bernards have used their thick coats and unique sense of direction to help rescue lost hikers in the Alps. They are essentially professional Snuggies.
7. Military Dolphins
There’s a special program in the U.S. Navy called the Marine Mammal Program that trains dolphins (and sometimes sea lions!!) to rescue lost swimmers or locate underwater mines. (You should still learn to swim, though. Seriously.)
8. Police Horses
Police horses maintain crowd control at protests and other gatherings by using their size to intimidate the masses into dispersing or calming down. Not to mention they have actual police officers on their backs, so you might wanna move along and stop wondering about the visor. It was a custom job.
9. Entertainers AKA Showbiz Animals
Ah, yes, the entertainers! Champions, the lot of them. We’d like to see you bark on command and be worthy of screen time with Jean.
10. Truffle Hogs
In Europe, some female hogs are specially trained to sniff out a kind of fungus (called “truffles”) from as far three feet underground, which their keepers can then sell to a gourmet food shop. They are helpful and lack a Miss Piggy attitude.
11. Sled Dogs
Sled dogs have incredible endurance, speed and strength, which we know because they can travel around 90 miles in 24 hours WHILE pulling a weight of about 85 pounds. And they also get to wear pretty sweet kicks!
12. Wendy’s Motivational Chicken
Impressed by all these animals? Don’t worry, you’re still a valued member of society! Click here to hear a speech about how great YOU are from another animal with an impressive job — the Wendy’s Motivational Chicken.