1. The nits were mostly gone when I looked at his hair this morning.
2. Our family policy is to have our children ONLY do homework that matches our parenting philosophy.
3. Destiny is SO fond of you. How about babysitting for us Saturday night?
4. You know that blog entry I wrote about you. I want you to know I really AM over it now and I really didn’t mean AT ALL for it to go viral.
5. The only reason Bryce misbehaves is because you don’t like him.
6. I emailed you over an hour ago, why haven’t you answered yet?
7. I’d love to come in and speak to your class about my job! What do I do? Oh, I’m a marketer for Plasti-Krap Sugar Snacks.
8. I’m so sorry to interrupt while you’re having dinner out with your wife, but if you could just give me a quick summary of how Preston is doing in your class, that would be great.
9. I don’t know where YOU went to school, but in the Ivy League….
10. Cassandra has what the doctor describes as “fecal urgency.”
11. Word to the wise: Timmy bites.
12. I’d like to observe your teaching style, but I don’t want to make you nervous. Is it OK if I just stand in the doorway for a while each morning?
13. I need you to call me IMMEDIATELY every time Jade gets a grade lower than a B. Got it?
14. Roald Dahl? Harry Potter? Those are all devil books and there’s no way Olivia is reading them.
15. Our family believes in freedom of speech, so we don’t limit our child’s vocabulary. So if Bonnie swears in class, understand that we expect you not to call attention to it.
16. I don’t believe in sending in school supplies, there seem to be plenty in the classroom anyway.
17. I know Sadie has a little fever today, but it’s only allergies.
18. You clearly have no idea just how gifted Beau is, otherwise you would never have given him a C.
19. Jared will be out of school the week AFTER Spring break too. The beach is so much less crowded then. You understand.
20. I called the superintendent and the principal to hear what they have to say. And now I’d like to hear your explanation for why Elspeth isn’t in honors this year.
21. It’s very important that you include Taylor’s imaginary friend in every morning roll call. And she’ll need her own cubby and seat.