1. Before: You got up whenever you wanted and had time to make cappuccino.
After: You eat a granola bar, drink a cup of coffee, mentally prepare for class and catch the news on NPR all while driving to school at breakneck speed.
2. Before: Date night was dinner out and a movie.
After: It’s a visit to the teacher store and cutting out laminated frogs in front of the TV. Sorry, Honey.
3. Before: Your special talents went unnoticed.
After: You have a built-in audience for all your best tricks!
4. Before: You searched Pinterest for cupcake recipes.
After: You’re all about the bulletin boards. Baking, what’s that?
5. Before: You looked forward to going for a run.
After: You’re thrilled at any opportunity to actually sit for more than 30 seconds at a clip.
6. Before: You got one, maybe two hugs a day.
After: 30 hugs (minimum) by lunch.
7. Before: You texted your best friend about weekend plans.
After: You text your best colleague about Friday happy hour.
8. Before: Even your mom didn’t notice your new haircut.
After: Every haircut, every tie or new shirt is critiqued by the middle school fashion police.
9. Before: You read a mystery novel before going to bed.
After: You’re covered in red marker and go to sleep surrounded by A Separate Peace essays.
10. Before: You’ve really been meaning to take up free weights.
After: Your biceps are toned by all that writing on the whiteboard.
11. Before: You were singing the song of the summer.
After: You’re singing “Clean up, Clean up, Everybody Everywhere.”
12. Before: You almost forgot your own birthday.
After: You plan kid-dazzling activities for every holiday you’ve ever heard of.
13. Before: You packed a bag for weekend getaways.
After: You pack in as many hours of grading as you can stand and then save the rest for Monday.
14. Before: You didn’t have a weekly objective, per se.
After: You have one for every 45 to 50 minutes of your day.
16. Before: Your two kids seemed like a handful.
After: You’d be grateful to have any fewer than 30 kids in your class.
17. Before: You went to the same lake as last year for vacation.
After: You go on virtual field trips deep into Icelandic volcanoes.
18. Before: You didn’t think about pencils once all summer.
After: You guard your stash of Ticonderogas with your life.
19. Before: You peed on an as-needed basis.
After: The restroom is three class periods, one IEP meeting and two floors away.
20. Before: Reading was a quiet and solitary activity.
After: You read aloud Harry Potter with different voices for dozens of characters. Your Snape is legendary.
21. Before: You groaned at commercials for school supplies.
After: The thought of all your Expo markers makes you want to go out dancing.
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