An Idiot’s Guide To The 2012 Olympics

1. The Olympics are a series of athletic contests originally devised by the Greeks

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2. Not these Greeks

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3. These Greeks

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4. This year they will take place in London

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5. London is in Great Britain

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6. Great Britain is ruled by a queen

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7. and the Goblin King

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8. The symbol of the Olympics is five interlocking rings

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9. and the one ring to rule them all

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10. The Olympics will have two mascots - Wenlock & Mandeville

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11. you know, for kids

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12. The Olympics begin when the Vestal virgins gather the flames of the sun

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13. and send them around the world

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14. to light Michael Phelps’ bong

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15. Olympic winners receive medals

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16. in categories like sharpest hair

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17. strongest Sly Stallone impersonator

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18. and most likely to be Michael Jordan

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19. The U.S.A. has historically done well

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20. and 2012 should bring us medals in swimming

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21. kicking

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22. and basketballing

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23. The Olympics will be broadcast around the world

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24. and everyone will be tuning in

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25. to watch this chick jump over stuff

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