An Idiot’s Guide To The 2012 Olympics

Everything you need to know to enjoy the 2012 summer games.

1. The Olympics are a series of athletic contests originally devised by the Greeks

4. This year they will take place in London

5. London is in Great Britain

6. Great Britain is ruled by a queen

7. and the Goblin King

8. The symbol of the Olympics is five interlocking rings

9. and the one ring to rule them all

10. The Olympics will have two mascots - Wenlock & Mandeville

11. you know, for kids

12. The Olympics begin when the Vestal virgins gather the flames of the sun

13. and send them around the world

14. to light Michael Phelps’ bong

15. Olympic winners receive medals

16. in categories like sharpest hair

17. strongest Sly Stallone impersonator

18. and most likely to be Michael Jordan

19. The U.S.A. has historically done well

20. and 2012 should bring us medals in swimming

22. and basketballing

23. The Olympics will be broadcast around the world

24. and everyone will be tuning in

25. to watch this chick jump over stuff

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