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An Idiot's Guide To The 2012 Summer Games

Everything you need to know to enjoy the 2012 summer games.

The Games are a series of athletic contests originally devised by the Greeks

Not these Greeks

These Greeks

This year they will take place in London

London is in Great Britain

Great Britain is ruled by a queen

and the Goblin King

The symbol of the games is five interlocking rings

and the one ring to rule them all

The games will have two mascots

you know, for kids

The games begin when the Vestal virgins gather the flames of the sun

and send them around the world

to light Michael Phelps' bong

Winners receive medals

The U.S.A. has historically done well

and everyone will be tuning in

to watch this chick jump over stuff