1. 1. “Friends” that rub their excess money in your face.
“Let’s go shopping now! My wallet is waaaaay too small for all this cash!”
2. So you go with them to their faaaave store. You try to play it cool, but…
Ditch them now if they say anything like “what? It’s only ___ dollars!”
3. 2. The “friend” that ain’t got no time to listen to your problems because they have WAY MORE/WORSE PROBLEMS THAN YOU!
4. 3. The “friend” who tries to impress you with adolescent stunts.
And then proceed to blame you when they go wrong.
5. 4. The “friend” who turns every conversation into a debate and PROCEEDS TO LECTURE YOU BECAUSE THEY’RE SO SMART!
6. And all you can think to say is…
Whatever happened to civilized rhetoric?
7. 5. The “friend” who creeps on your significant other but totally denies it every time.
Oh yeah, your hand just slipped!
8. 6. The “friend” who rubs it in your face when you should have followed their advice.
No need for this. Just, no.
9. 7. The “friend” who starts showing waaaay more interest in your life after you achieve any modicum of success.
“I’ve been your best friend all along!!!”
10. 8. The “friend” who suddenly adores you, and why don’t you join them in their newly found Ponzi scheme-esque venture.
Nah, I’m good bro.
11. 9. The “friend” who “jokes” a little too often about the Pedo bear.
I mean, it’s funny and all, but can’t we make fun of something else? Anything?
12. 10. The “friend” who isn’t afraid to share everything. EVERYTHING.
God damn it! Put that thing away!