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If you've ever shared your profession with someone, you know that people just love to ask for some friendly and ~free~ help.
Recently, Reddit user u/HilbertCube shared their experience ("Oh, you're a programmer? I have a problem with my printer") — then asked Reddit, "What's the equivalent of this in your job?"
And here are some of the best responses:
1. "Oh, you're an artist? Can you draw me? I'll pay you with exposure."
2. "Oh, you’re a teacher? Must be nice to have the summer off!"
3. And, "Oh, you're a teacher? Please explain to me how my child's teacher had the audacity to give them a C even though it's very obvious that my child is a genius!"
"Bonus points if they want you to explain the grading criteria in a completely different subject and level of schooling from what you teach. Like, I teach high school and community college English and social studies — why do you expect me to know the grading criteria for middle school math?"
4. "Oh, you studied linguistics? What does this word mean?"
"It's the study of linguini, right?"
5. "Oh, you're a mechanical engineer? Can you fix my car?"
6. "Oh, you’re an occupational therapist? Can you help me find a job?"
7. "Oh, you're a programmer? I have an idea for a cool app!"
8. "Oh, you're a photographer? You're invited to my party/event/wedding/celebration. Please, could you bring your camera?"
"Sure! *Brings 600mm lens and only takes pictures of pigeons because I'm a wildlife photographer.*"
9. "Oh, you're an electrical engineer? Can you wire my garage?"
10. "Oh, you're an accountant? Can you do my taxes?"
"No, Mary, I can't. I work for a corporate company, not frigging H&R Block. I mean, I probably could, but I don't wanna."
11. "Oh, you work for a law firm? My son’s ex-girlfriend wants full custody of their kid. What should he do?"
"a) I’m a mass tort paralegal; I don’t do family law. b) He needs to get a lawyer."
12. "Oh, you're a musician? Play that one that goes, 'Bun dum dum bun dum donn bom.'"
13. "Oh, you're a geologist? What kind of rock is this?"
"Just kidding — we love that shit and will tell you a long story of the history of that rock and how we saw examples in the field in the middle of nowhere."
14. Or, "Oh, you're a geologist? If I showed you a map, could you find Norway?"
"Um, yeah, but not because I'm a geologist..."
15. "Oh, you are a comedian? Tell me a joke."
16. "Oh, you're a dermatologist? Have a look at this mole I found conveniently between my butt cheeks during this lovely wedding ceremony."
17. "Oh, you work in finance? What stock/fund should I buy?
"You must be making a boatload on your personal investments with all the insider information you have access to!"
18. "You work in a restaurant? How about treating me to dinner sometime?"
"A lot of people assume that they can get free drinks and food just because I happen to serve food or tend the bar at the place. That is not how it works. Also, 'We're friends, so I don't need to tip you!' Well, that is how you got unfriended really quickly."
19. "Oh, you work in social media? How do I blow up my Instagram and YouTube?"
20. "Oh, you're a nurse? Can you have a look at my ingrown toenail/Tell me why I have a rash down below?"
21. "Oh, you’re a therapist? Let me tell you about about my family member who really needs to see a therapist..."
22. "Oh, you’re a gardener? WhY cAn'T I EvEn kEeP mY cAcTuS aLiVe???"
23. "Oh, you studied psychology? Then I'll have to watch what I'm thinking, since you can read my mind."
25. "You're a massage therapist? My neck has been killing me..."
"I'll avoid referencing the other comment."
26. "Oh, you're employed by our company as a robotic process automation engineer — does that means we're all going to be replaced by robots?"
"I've come up with the perfect response to this now: 'No, just you.'"
27. "Oh, you're a paramedic? I have this thing on my toe. Will you check it?"
28. "Oh, you’re an astronomer? Why is my outlook as a Pisces so negative this month? I heard that all the planets are going to be lined up; what does that mean for my horoscope?"
29. "Oh you're a graphic designer? Can you make a logo for me?
"I don't have any money to pay, but I'll have multiple revisions that will cut into your actual paying work time, but then get upset when you ask for payment."
30. "Oh, you're a writer? Can you help with this very important legal letter?"
31. "Oh, you're a pharmacist? Well, I have this huge, gaping wound on my left butt cheek. Can you look at it and tell me what I can use over the counter?"
"Sir...please go to the hospital."
32. "Oh, you work in construction? How can I fix these things around my house? This doesn't look right; was it installed wrong? Can you give me a quote?"
33. "Oh, you're a chemical analyst? You must know how to make drugs."
34. "Oh, you’re a firefighter? Do you actually go to work?"
"Working AT home as a firefighter tends to upset the family."
35. "So you're a statistician...?"
"I never get to help friends and family with my professional skills. :("
So, what do people always say to you when you tell them what you do? Share below!
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.