The Ultimate David Bowie Spank Bank

The glamor is almost too much to bear.

1. So, there seems to be a bit of confusion about why David Bowie is considered such a sex god.

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2. But really, are you kidding with this question?

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3. Like, for real for real?

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4. It’s an undeniable truth: David Bowie is a total babe, for so many reasons.


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5. Just look at all this stately perfection!

Has any other known person ever looked this sharp and pulled-together? Probably not, no.

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6. His eyes are hypnotizing.

How arresting can one set of baby blues be? Bowie’s left pupil remains permanently open after a “punch-up” with a friend in high school, which is part of why they’re so transfixing.

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7. To say nothing of his hair…

Mulleted, slicked back, red, blonde, short, long – every incarnation of Bowie hair is nothing short of a blessing.

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8. And his miraculous cheekbones? Good lord.

You could put an eye out with those things!

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9. While he can certainly look quite masculine…

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10. …his femme looks are also sublime.

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11. And his androgynous looks are inarguably fabulous.

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12. Also, remember when he was an alien from the planet sex?


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13. As the Thin White Duke, he slayed our hearts.


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14. And just look how luscious in…a…beret…and a dress?

Just kidding, this one’s completely bizarre and makes me slightly uncomfortable when I look at it. Moving on!

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15. The real truth of the matter is this: Bowie is a STRAIGHT UP FOX, now and forever.

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16. He’s so beautiful that it should be illegal.

“You’re under arrest, David Bowie! The charge is TOO MUCH SEXY.”

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17. Let us never forget his perfection again.


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