valentines
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How To Have The Most Goth Valentine’s Day Ever

Yes, this is a meaningless capitalist holiday invented by Hallmark to sell cards. But you’re totally in goth-love, so let’s DO THIS THING. posted on

1. DATE IDEAS:


Pick one or combine a couple for a romantic night of memento-ing mori with your paramour.

2. Cemetery Stroll

You can make out behind a mausoleum and leave roses on graves that bear one another’s first names, preferably at the witching hour. Best date ever?

3. Poetry Reading

4. Seance

“I think the spirits are saying that we should totally make out.”

5. DATE OUTFITS:


You’ll be darkly seductive in any of the following.

6. TONS OF EYELINER

Since with any luck you’ll be getting totally makey-outey by the end of your evening, avoid black lipstick – it gets EVERYWHERE when one is very seriously trying to French. Compensate by going overboard with eyeliner if your face feels too exposed to the world.

7. Leather Corset

Similarly, don’t go for a hook-and-eye or lace-up closure here – you want this thing to zip off easily so you can get right down to exploring one another’s twisted pleasures.

8. Cape and Suit

It’s okay to dress up a little (or a lot), it’s a HOLIDAY. Oh wait – you dress like this every day anyway. Never mind.

9. GIFT IDEAS:


Your beloved is the only part of this world that doesn’t fill your heart with deep despair, so you want to give them a special token to convey that. Any of these are hauntingly lovely choices.

10. Ouija Board

Ask the immortal oracle if you’ll be together 4-eva!

11. Black Velvet Roses

“Oh, my darling, however could you have guessed which flowers to get to match my outfit?”

12. Chains

You know, for anything. Fashion. Sex. A metaphor for our existential relationship to mortality. Chains! Really, a very useful and thoughtful gift.

13. FOOD:


Any of these menu items would be a SPOOKTACULAR choice for a romantic Gothentine’s dinner.

14. Spider Dip

Representative of how you’re brushing the cobwebs off of your heart!

15. Egg Skulls

Aw, how cute and horrible are these l’il craniums?

16. Jell-O Heart

For dessert, ceremonially eat replicas of one another’s hearts to prove you really belong to one another! Literal sweethearts. So cute, but still also goth as fuck.

17. HAPPY GOTHENTINE’S DAY, MY FELLOW CREATURES OF THE NIGHT!

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