1. Oh, hello there.
2. Get ready, because we’re about to have a Cher-abration.
3. So gather your closest friends and get ready to believe.
This woman is magic, and we’re about to experience her glory in full.
4. Her majestic career began in the ’60s with Sonny Bono and enormous hair.
Together, these two ruled both television and radio throughout the last half of the decade.
5. But by the mid-1970s, the Goddess of Pop would begin to fly solo…and it would totally fucking rule.
Her early musical career was a flurry of glitzy costumes, ~controversial~ songs about race, gender issues, and divorce, and, as always, that amazing hair.
6. All of these characteristics are present in “Half Breed,” a video about a white woman of Native American descent.
Looking hot and talking about struggle in glittery halter tops: the early Cher story.
7. And while she’s continued to care about The Issues throughout her musical career, she also just sings about being strong and independent.
8. But that’s not all Cher’s about — she’s a brilliant actress, to boot.
Who could argue with her charm in Moonstruck?
9. And, like, did you SEE her in Mask?
She basically WAS the movie. Human Being test: You either sobbed your face off when she said, “Now you can go anywhere you want, baby,” at the end, or you’re not a person.
10. Obviously, Cher is also an icon in the LBGT community.
11. I mean, as if that wasn’t abundantly clear from every extant picture and video of her.
Please see above for all the proof you need.
12. In other news, she has a black orchid tattooed on her junk.
If you weren’t aware of this seductive and mysterious ink before, you sure as hell aren’t going to overlook this amazing fact ever again.
No, no, Cher! Just making note of one of the many insane and incredible things about your personage. Let’s move on.
14. As if her body art weren’t enough, she’s got a very special sense of style in terms of clothing, too.
As evidenced by not only these sunglasses, but basically everything else she’s ever worn.
15. Like, who else could pull off whatever it is that’s happening here?
Only Cher could make this Snow Queen of Bedazzler Kingdom number look this flawless.
16. And just look at her smiling in her fur hat.
Doesn’t it make you happy, too? Cher is human dopamine.
17. But what really cements her as the world’s most lovable human is her Twitter account.
Every single Cher tweet is a joyous gift unto the internet.
18. Like, it’s really just the best.
If you’re not already following Cher, I really just don’t know what to do with you.
19. She understands the innate human desire to be pantsless on a boat.
As evidenced by the iconic video for “If I Could Turn Back Time,” which is pretty much the gold standard for music videos.
20. And she’s not afraid to dress up as Elvis on a lark.
This is a perfect combination of two of the greatest people ever, and I’m all for it. (Although I’m not sure Elvis would have worked that exact pair of embellished jeans, but whatever.)
21. And the truth is, CHER CARES, Y’ALL.
Even if you’re just a white egg on a blue background, Cher has got your back.
22. Her kind spirit is just one of many reasons why she gets to hang out with the president.
What you’re looking at is the presidential ticket of Dreamworld.
23. So, in conclusion, please look at this amazing picture of Cher pulling off an amazing rollerskate trick.
And right-click-Save Image As…unbeatablecureforeventheworstofmoods.jpg
24. And recognize that she is the reigning queen of campy pop fabulosity.
No one else can compare to Cher.