1. A new coffee machine would really hit the spot.
Invite a friend over for coffee, but intentionally make it not taste good. Blame it on the equipment. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
2. Need some sweet new headphones?
Just blare music on your speakers whenever your roommate is around and talk about how cool it is that you can both enjoy the music at the same time. Hopefully they can take a hint and get you what you need.
3. Your old straightener is in need of a replacement.
Continually use your sister’s without her permission, and when she yells at you, simply yell back, “I WOULDN’T STEAL YOURS IF I HAD MY OWN!” Feel free to add additional insults as necessary.
4. Ready to upgrade that phone you got last year?
Miss a few calls from your parents, then blame it on how your old phone just cannot keep up anymore. Be ready to follow up with suitable replacements while it’s still fresh in their minds.
5. Your laptop from 2011 is no longer up to snuff.
Ask your parents to use their laptop every chance you get, and blame the fact that you’re living at home on not being able to apply to more jobs online.
6. It’s high time you got a new smoothie machine.
Just serve all your guests half-mashed frozen fruit chunks, all the while casting wistful looks at your empty kitchen counter. They’ll get it.
7. Want a new wallet?
“I don’t have a wallet. I just use all my pockets.” When you’re out with your friends, take forever to pay for everything because you’re digging around all your pockets looking for the right card.
8. Feel like getting some new kicks?
Just show up to family reunions not wearing shoes. Occasionally take artsy pictures of your feet and use #sad hashtags. Make sure the world knows.
9. Is it time for some new pants?
Every time you go to a nightclub with friends, wear shorts and get rejected by the bouncer. Eventually your friends will feel bad and get you some pants. Hopefully.
10. A new watch would be pretty cool.
This one is easy. Just be late for everything. Or constantly ask people for the time. Who cares if you have a phone… it’s not the same!
11. You’re the only one without a tablet. Time for that to change.
Hog the television during all the big games your roommates want to watch. They’ll eventually become desperate and get you a tablet so that you leave the big screen alone.