Entertainment Tonight reports that Jessica Simpson has, in fact, popped Maxwell Drew Johnson out of her belly. The baby girl is 9lbs. 13oz. and 21.75 inches, according to JessicaSimpson.com. We have to wonder: Did Jessica Simpson give birth in a leopard caftan? PUT YOUR PAWS UP, YOU GUYS.
Also, the new mama says hold the flowers. Jessica Simpson wants scotch after she pops Maxwell out. She is from Texas, y’all. And by pop, we mean post c-section.
Jessica Simpson’s pregnancy has been one for the books. Wearing high heels all the way up until just a few days ago, the fashion mogul and judge of NBC’s Fashion Star is ready to pop at any moment with her rumored due date already passed on April 20.
We know Jessica Simpson is training herself to walk in Havianas and having mindblowing sex with father-to-be, Eric Johnson. In Simpson’s own words in US Weekly, “I’m kind of unstoppable. The Big O is, like, the biggest O ever!” But, you guys, we ALREADY knew that. John Mayer told us.
While we all laugh and point at how huge Simpson is, we all know behind-the-scenes there is a spokesperson deal being brokered with a weight-loss nutrition program (Weight Watchers? Jenny Craig? NutriSystem?) to get the petite fashion diva back in tip-tip shape. It’s only a matter of time before a viral video ala Mariah Carey hits YouTube. Some celebrities are taking a stab at Simpson’s ballooning weight like good ol’ Snooki who claims, “I Would Die if my baby bump looked like Jessica Simpson’s.” LIKE OMG!!! Homegirl sure knows how to earn gossip mag pixels, doesn’t she?
Meanwhile, Simpson is scarfing down all of the Slutty Brownies she can before baby girl Maxwell arrives. Oh, and yes, we agree there’s a problem with the term, “Slutty Brownies.” Let’s hope the gals over at BuzzFeed Shift cover that topic for us, shall we?
Last month, Simpson was feted at what some are calling an “extreme baby shower,” planned by celebrity party planner, Mindy Weiss. Simpson herself on Jimmy Kimmel Live said, “If Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and The City were to have a baby shower, this would have been it.” The Charlotte’s Web-themed soiree was held just days after her baby registry was discovered online. The couple is registered under “J. Johnson” at Bel Bambini, with the name representing Jessica Simpson’s future married name, according to E! News.
After careful review of the alleged baby registry for Jessica Simpson’s and Eric Johnson’s baby girl, Maxwell, it turns out the apple doesn’t fall far from the Chicken-of-the-Sea-laced tree. Below are the baby registry items that most matched mom-to-be, Jessica Simpson to a tee, you guys!
OH, DEAR. We ALL remember Jessica’s Tony Romo days. DON’T WE, COWBOYS FANS?
Here’s one for trivia night: After Jessica’s appearance at LAX in June 2008 wearing the “Real Girls Eat Meat” t-shirt, some speculated there was, pardon the pun, beef between Simpson and Romo’s ex-girlfriend, Carrie Underwood, who back in 2008 was a vegetarian. Since then, Simpson went vegan in 2010 with Underwood declaring her allegiance to veganism in 2011.
Reality TV gold and pop culture ephemera were made when our lovely Jessica Simpson dared to ask the question to her then-husband, Nick Lachey on their MTV reality show, Newlyweds: “Is this chicken what I have? Or is this fish? I know it’s tuna, but it says chicken. Chicken-of-the-sea?”
A low blow, right? YOU KNOW YOU WERE THINKING IT THOUGH, BRO.
Turning the tables over to you guys. Look at Jessica Simpson’s baby registry and gimme your best shot below, m’kay? GO BIG. OR GO HOME.