The 2013 Emmys: Five Potentially Explosive Moments Worth Pausing Breaking Bad’s Penultimate Episode For
The Emmy votes are in, host Neil Patrick Harris’s surprise opening number has been spoiled by Deadline, and Nokia Theatre security guards have been warned (we hope) not to let Miley Cyrus’s disembodied tongue and/or a grown man in a Beetle Juice…
While you pour, though, a quick sidebar: We, like you, were watching Breaking Bad last Sunday when creator Vince Gilligan ripped out our hearts, rolled them across the New Mexico desert inside Walt’s drug-money barrel, and then loaded them into a dusty minivan piloted by a vacuum salesman who may or may not be able to make Walt disappear off the face of the earth. We have been waiting, jaws agape, for the follow-up episode that airs this Sunday, inconveniently during the Emmy Awards for East Coasters. Are East Coast viewers supposed to suspend their knowledge of Walt’s whereabouts to watch some men in formalwear crack scripted jokes at a podium while Walt’s life, and his family’s well-being, is at stake? No, no, they aren’t. They are supposed to feverishly switch channels between the two programs, as God intended, making sure not to miss the following five potentially explosive Emmy moments this Sunday. And for the chosen ones, who will not be faced with this Sophie’s Choice of Sunday TV programming, consider this a highlight guide of potentially not-to-miss moments.
Not to say that they will happen; they just should.
1. For the First Time in His Unfairly Good-Looking Career, Jon Hamm Wins an Emmy Award for Acting
Maybe if we begin slow-chanting Jon Hamm’s name now, and continue doing so until Sunday at 8 p.m. E.T./5 p.m. P.T., the Emmy gods will finally give the Mad Men lead— who unbelievably has not won a single acting Emmy in his time on the series—the statuette he so deserves. Considering that Hamm submitted last season’s “In Care Of” episode—during which he confesses to a conference room full of co-workers and clients that he was raised in a Pennsylvania brothel—slow-chanting for 48 hours seems a bit unnecessary. But still, he is paired alongside Breaking Bad star Bryan Cranston, who will almost certainly win next year’s Emmy for his last (and current) season on the AMC drama; last year’s winner, Damian Lewis of Homeland; and Netflix’s dark horse, Kevin Spacey of House of Cards.
The question remains: Do we really want to live in a world where Jon Hamm has the same number of Emmy statuettes as the actor who played Turtle on Entourage?
2. Laura Dern Wins Lead Actress in a Comedy Series as Consolation for the Premature Cancellation of Enlightened
We will be the first to tell you that this win, however thrilling it would be, will not happen. The honor will most likely go to one of two other deserving nominees, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, for Veep, and Tina Fey, as a 30 Rock parting gift. But wouldn’t it be amazing to see Dern win for playing arguably the most complex character in this category—the fearless, unfailingly optimistic whistle-blower Amy Jellicoe willing to go up against real-world opposition time and time again—on HBO’s beautiful, underappreciated, late series Enlightened?
3. Modern Family Does Not Win Best Comedy Series
Not to say that we don’t love ourselves some Modern Family, but to say that Modern Family’s last season was better than the finale iteration of 30 Rock or the last season of Louie just seems unfair. Will 30 Rock get the ultimate in sendoff gifts from Emmy voters? Will Louie C.K. be able to expand on last year’s win in the writing category? Or will Modern Family get its fourth win in a row? We would love to see a change-up here, but we would not bet major money on it.
4. Game of Thrones Wins Best Drama Series, Upsetting Homeland and Breaking Bad
(Alternate: Homeland Wins Best Series, Only for Dothraki Dragons to Fly Onstage and Dump Molten Emmy Gold Over Claire Danes and Cast, Thereby Eliminating Them from Future Emmy Competitions)
Game of Thrones creator George R. R. Martin said it best on his blog earlier this week; with all of the momentum G.O.T. gained from its bloody “Red Wedding” episode last season, and the fact that next year’s Emmys will be marking Breaking Bad’s final year, it seems that this Sunday may be the best shot that HBO’s medieval series has at cracking the big category. Alas, Emmy voters are famously unfriendly toward sci-fi- and fantasy-related fare—see: their epic snub of Orphan Black’s tremendous Tatiana Maslany this year—and final season. We can’t say that we would be disappointed by our alternate scenario— either would make for entertaining viewing.
5. Behind the Candelabra Co-stars Michael Douglas and Matt Damon Tie in the Outstanding Lead Actor in a Miniseries or Movie Category, Accept Their Awards in Matching Black-and-White Housecoats
Because we, as viewers for three-straight-straight, deserve at least that.
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Related: The 2013 Emmy Nominations