1. Sarah Palin Thinks Cops Should Just Let You Smoke Pot, But Does Not Support Legalization
Palin is a self-professed former pothead, but she stops short of supporting legalization saying that she thinks it sets a bad example for kids. Her kids can’t seem to avoid being spermed on by nasty snow-hippies, so maybe shes got a point about drug use and maturity.
2. Respected Policy Analyst And Poet Eminem Comes Out In Favor Of Same-Sex Marriage!
What is the secret to getting notorious gay-bashers likes Eminem and Rush Limbaugh to saddle up and join the brodeo? Two words: Elton Fucking John.
3. Alvin Greene The Best Person To Be TIME Magazines “Man of the Year” Says Alvin Greene
Alvin Greene, the 32-year-old 13-year military veteran who stunned EVERYONE by winning the South Carolina Senate primary without actually campaigning or trying to win, thinks he should be TIME Magazines Man of the Year. We kind of like the idea.
4. Rapper Who Claims To Have Pooped On The Moon Now Wants To Build Colony On Mars
Buzz Aldrin, an 80-year-old rapper and ballroom dancing enthusiast from California, wants the National Aeronautics and Space Administration to spend $6 billion to build a colony on Mars.
5. Sweaty Congressman Steve Cohen’s “Rap Dance” Proves He’s The Whitest Guy In Memphis
Driving home the point that he is definitely the whitest thing in this video, Congressman Cohen hops up and down and wiggles in his khakis and sweat-soaked button up, sporting his uber-geeky blackberry belt clip.
6. WHERE ARE THEY NOW: Jack Abramoff Making Jew Pizzas In Baltimore
He has been a lobbyist, a small business owner and a felon. Now Jack Abramoff can add pizzaboy to his resume.
7. Hot Mic Catches Reporters Mocking Sarah Palin For Being A Platitude Spewing Moron
After Palin was done speaking one of the mics got left on and you can clearly hear the reporters who were covering the event mocking her for spouting an endless stream of gibberish, sounding like an idiot and quoting Reagan like it would bring him back from the grave.
8. Rod Blagojevich Considered Oprah Or A “Black Einstein” For Obama Senate Seat
Every year we could have looked forward to Sen. Oprahs “Favorite Things” floor speech. Look under your seats! Free health care and pashminas for EVVVEERRYBODDYYYY!!!
9. Joe Biden To Brings 31 Flavors Of Pain To Smartass Wisconsin Custard Peddler
Joe Biden stormed into a custard shop, called the store manager a smartass, shoved a handful of sprinkles in his mouth in defiance and then fled to his motorcade yelling, “Drive! Damn it, drive!”
10. Jerry Brown Encounters Brainiac Reporter While Jogging, Launches Into Rant About Nazis
Lesson: If you are running for Governor of California and encounter thought-reading journalist types while jogging, do not launch into a rant about Nazi propaganda. You will be quoted.
In The News Today