107 Thoughts Every Girl Has While Losing Her Tinder Virginity
Admit it, you’ve Tindered before (yes, it’s a verb). And admit it, you can relate.
1.
1. That girl in my Spanish class is bragging about her Tinder followers
2. Is that what they’re called nowadays? Followers? Is Tinder a cult?
3. She says she’s ‘Tindering’
4....It’s a verb too?
5. Wait wait wait. Single as fuck Marsha has Tinder DATES????
6. But...I’m single as fuck and I have no dates.
7. I’m not downloading Tinder. Absolutely not.
8. That app is creepy and I’m NOT that single and desperate. I have morals.
9. Literally Marsha, calm the fuck down.
10. Don’t you have better things to do? Like adopt a bunch of cats and join a “50 Shades of Gray” fandom?
11. I may be single, but I am not using someone’s sympathy app for love
12. What to do what to do….
13. I’ve already exhausted my newsfeed and Instagram is boring today.
14. God damn Throwback Thursday. Nobody gives a shit about what you looked like when you were 3, Becky, take it down.
15. Oh wait...I have a #tbt today…#judgemental. LOL DON’T CARE.
16 Fuck you Candy Crush, I’m not paying for your extra lives.
17. Well this is anticlimactic.
18. SERIOUSLY MARSHA SHUT THE FUCK UP
19. Okay Tinder, I’m willing to give you a try. But just for two swipes. Then I’m off.
20. Why are you connecting me to Facebook??? GAAAH STOP IT
21. You better not post to Facebook, people can’t know what I’m doing
22. What if future employers see this? What if my family sees this???? I’ll be the black sheep child that used Tinder for a boyfriend at Thanksgiving
23. No, no. I’m not like the others, I’m going to be different about my Tindering
24. If anyone sees me on here, I’ll say its for shits and giggles
25. Or for someone else. My imaginary boyfriend thought it would be hilarious.
26. I’m def not taking this seriously
27. It’s for my own fun, I’ll fuck with other single people and have a good laugh
28. I’ll be like the Scott Disick of Tinder.
29. BOW TO ME PEASANTS!!
30. Oh god I hope no one sees me on here.
31. How do you use this… Oh you just play swipe hockey with people’s faces.
32. No, Tinder, you don’t need to show me how to swipe right and left
33. I’m not an idiot I know how this wo--
34. There is a man wearing a horse mask riding an actual horse in his main picture.
35. That’s not even funny, that’s straight serial killer shit bro.
36. He has a pet gerbil named Penelope. Good god. Sir, your “about me” is not doing you any favors.
37. I’ve been more sexually charged watching the Food Network.
38. A TARANTULA TOO? Are you fucking running an exotic zoo???? NOPE. NEXT PLEASE.
39. Swiping my first reject like a champ!
40. Wait what the--
41. Oh god, oh god, oh god just swiped that weird guy right.
42. IT’S A MATCH?!!?!?
43. I HAVEN’T EVEN BEEN ON HERE FOR 15 SECONDS YET
44. Be cool, be cool.
45. This is Tinder, the land of no judgment
46. Well helloooo, you’re kinda hot
47. I’ll swipe you right
48. ANOTHER MATCH!
49. What a rush.
50. You think I’m sexxxxy, you want to swiiiiiipe me and you loooove me
51. I guess Tinder wants me to be with an attractive soulmate
52....Even if his name is Gaylord
53. Why is that guy in a banana suit?
54. LOL his name is Dick. Coincidence? I think not.
55. Yeah that’s just what a classy lady needs. A banana partner in crime. That’ll be fun to bring home to the parents.
56. I’m not swiping right to that.
57. Totally lefted you bitch!!
58. I HAVE ALL THE POWER!!!
59. Hot guy = swipe right
60. Wait what the hell why aren’t we a match? Oh my god he lefted me.
61. Fuck you, Nick. You fucking scum sucking road whore, I didn’t give a shit about you anyways.
62. And why do you just have one ab picture “Ryan”?
63. I bet you’re trying to Catfish me, BUT NOT TODAY RYAN!!
64. Maybe I should start showing off my abs too...
65. If I had them. Okay I’m going to start following every fitspo on Instagram after this and no eating carbs for a week.
66. Clean eating and strict workouts, that’s going to win me the gold and a new Tinder lover. Or five.
67. FUCK THE DIET. My first message has arrived!!!
68. THE QUEEN IS BACK ON HER THRONE
69. Johnny said “Hey whatsup”
70.….Do i respond to that? HOW do i respond to that?
71. Do I even engage him?
72. I should say something weird to totally make this seem like a joke to me
73. “I breed show llamas in a farm outside of Kansas, but today is my day off wbu”
74. Was that funny or weird? Say something to ease the tension
75. “I also have a flamingo named Boris”
76. Ah, his just name disappeared.
77. He just unmatched me.
78. Fuck you Johnny I’m a catch!!
79. Have a damn sense of humor you heathen
80. Do people actually take this seriously?
81. Maybe hot guy was looking for a relationship and I ruined it.
82. I bet he’ll never believe in love again.
83. I’m a monster.
84. ANOTHER MATCH!!!
85. This girl is on fiiiiiiiiire!
86. If he messages me I’ll definitely respond.
87.….6 minutes later and no message.
88. Am I unworthy of love?
89. CLEAN EATING AND STRICT EXERCISE PLAN IS BACK IN ACTION
90. I should’ve changed my pictures, I don’t look sporty enough
91. Should I borrow a puppy and upload a pic to show men I can be nurturing?
92. I want to be the full package, but I want to also look completely effortless.
93. I’m in too deep now. HA that’s what she said.
94. That’s it. I’m deleting the app, too much self doubt and insecurity.
95. OH SHIT YA GIRL JUST GOT ANOTHER MATCH
96. I’ll hold off for like 5 more minutes, just until lunch. Maybe I should get an ab pic in the bathroom before I get bloated...
97. Wait what if I forget how to interact with people because I’ve become technology obsessed???
98. I’ll walk into a bar and try to swipe the creepy guy left
99. “Can I buy you a drink?” “LEFT BITCH!!!!!!”
100. This is so superficial, these guys don’t even know I’m hilarious
101. Do they even care?
102. EW why do you have such a large moustache? #RAPESTACHE
103. I’m disgusted with myself.
104. Pulling it together and deleting the app right now.
105. Bye bye Tinder, it was fun while it lasted.
106. But wait he’s hot…
107. Okay. Ten more minutes.
Become a Community Contributor.
