A Definitive Ranking Of All The Times Frodo Got Hurt

Choked, stabbed, whipped and more: these are the pains that come with being pure at heart.

Has anyone ever suffered more than Frodo Baggins for their fandom? Let us count the ways, sorted by hazard and eye size.

19. That time when Frodo slipped at the Prancing Pony, causing the One Ring to jar loose. (Side note: I’m happy to report the pint went unsplashed.)

18. That time when he stumbled on the snowy slopes of Caradhras. Once again, the ring jarred loose.

“Dammit, where did my cell phone go now?”

17. That time when Merry and Pippin were busted poaching veggies from Farmer Maggot’s crop…

…and everyone rolled uncontrollably down a steep pitch.

16. That time Faramir, Captain of Gondor, fancied the Ring of Power for himself.

Cue sickly eye roll.

15. That time Gimli cut straight to the chase. (SPOILER: It didn’t work.)

More anguish ensued.

14. That time Frodo stared into Lady Galadriel’s giant cereal bowl too long.

13. That time when Boromir’s corruption outweighed Boromir’s resolve.

12. That time Frodo got tangled in a massive spider web.

11. That time Sam and Frodo were disguised in the armor of the enemy on the plains of Mordor but mistaken for would-be deserters.

10. That time he was tackled by Sam…

…and they fell down a staircase.

Frodo was not amused.

9. The first time he got throttled by the creature Gollum.

8. That time when Old Man Wizard summoned lighting bolts…

…to spill a f*ck ton of snow on the Fellowship.

It was heavy. And wet.

But our heroes, so very dreamy, would not be deterred by the elements alone.

7. That time when Frodo tipped forward into the Dead Marshes

…and was mobbed by creepy water ghosts.

6. The time he was tentacled by that lake monster-Cthulhu thingy.

5. That time he almost got choked for reals by Gollum on the final approach to Mount Doom.

4. That time when he got speared by the cave-troll in the mines of Moria. (Were it not for the miracle of Mithril…)

3. That time he took a stinger to the belly…

…and was cocooned by Shelob.

Trust me when I say that this is not a pleasant experience.

…and almost turned him into a junkie.

1. This time, because F I N G E R S.

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