Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey is running for President. The 45-year-old doesn't date anyone over the age of 20, was accused of brainwashing a 16-year-old he was engaged to up until last month, and is running as a Republican candidate. Apparently Vampires don't believe in abortion. Check out his interview with the local news in here.

The Best Links:

1. He ran for Governor of Minnesota in 2006 and also had short-lived bids for U.S. Senate in 2000, U.S. President in 2004, and U.S. President in 2008.
2. via fark

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Lady Gaga's latest Video answers the burning question about her penis. [Ed note: TELEPHONE!!!]

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Remember that girl who lost it during the New Moon trailer? Well, today's a big day for her (and all of us) with the release of the Eclipse trailer , and true to form, she recorded a reaction video to show us what she thinks of it.

The Best Links:

1. New Moon Trailer Reaction Video on BuzzFeed
2. Twilight: Eclipse Trailer

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Megan Mariah Barnes caused a two-car accident in Key West last week because she was trimming her bikini line while driving. (She was headed to see her boyfriend.) After the crash, her ex-husband took the wheel. So: her ex-husband was with her while she was ladyscaping for a date with another guy, while driving. Florida!

The Best Links:

1. Florida Highway Patrol troopers say a two-vehicle crash Tuesday at Mile Marker 21 on Cudjoe Key was caused by a 37-year-old woman driver who was shaving her bikini area while her ex-husband took the wheel from the passenger seat. “She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit,” Trooper Gary Dunick said. “If I wasn’t there, I wouldn’t have believed it. About 10 years ago I stopped a guy in the exact same spot … who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, ‘Nothing will ever beat this.’ Well, this takes it.”
2. The Thunderbird she was driving slammed into the back of another vehicle and she kept on going. Cops say about a half-mile down the road Barnes pulled over and jumped into the back seat and let her ex-husband get in the driver’s seat. Barnes was convicted of a second DUI and driving under suspension the day before, so she really didn’t need to get caught driving again.

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I implore you, what type of bitch are you? I'm definitely what they would call a Complex Bitch: a mixture of #12, 13, and 64.

The Best Links:

1. The Photo Set from Flickr
2. 90 Types of Bitches - via Boing Boing

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French TV show Fort Boyard invented the first ever climbing event that appears to be exclusively devoted to highlighting cleavage. Did i forget to mention its a TV show for Kids?

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Here is 8-year-old Laura Montana performing “Bad Romance” with black lipstick and no pants. [ Ed's Note : Watch at your own risk.]

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Ke$ha is a lyrical genius. I love pissing in champagne too!

The Best Links:

1. “Tik Tok”

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This is the latest addition to the never-ending series of Fox News Fails. [ Ed Note : More often than not? I dunno. What the hell kind of a question is that?]

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A glitch has been found in the new game Heavy Rain that allows you to play the game as a nude female character. The character's nude model appears in a brief shower scene, but was not meant to be playable. Kotaku has a full explanation on how to trigger the bug.

The Best Links:

1. Via Kotaku

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12-year-old Avery does Ke$ha's 'Tik Tok.' Via The Internet Is Terrible , obviously.

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Two teachers at Churchill High School in Winnipeg have been suspended pending an investigation into this lapdance video. [ Ed Note : Think of the children. Imagine what seeing this filth must do to their pure, innocent little minds. Even so, this did not show great judgment, teachers!]

The Best Links:

1. Teachers slapped for lap dance
2. Teachers’ Lap Dance Video Sparks Uproar at Canadian High School
3. Winnipeg teachers slapped for pep rally lap dance

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CELEBRITY BUZZ: Lauren Ashley, Miss Beverly Hills, has come out strongly against gay people. [ Ed Note : Take note, kids - this is the hip new way to become a famous beauty queen: 1) Be attractive. 2) Say some absurd, hateful shit about gay people. 3) Profit. 4) (Optional) Make a sex tape. Lauren Ashley is going to be a star.]

The Best Links:

1. Who The Heck Cares What Miss Beverly Hills Thinks About Gay Marriage?
2. Lauren Ashley Pictures, Miss Beverly Hills 2010, Beauty Queen is next Carrie Prejean
3. Lauren Ashley Pictures: Miss Beverly Hills Thinks God Wants Gays “Put to Death”
4. Beauty Queen Cites Bible For Gay Death
5. Miss Beverly Hills Lauren Ashley Opposes Same Sex Marriage

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See what they did there? You've got to feel pretty solid about your wordplay, 'cause these puns are FOREVER.

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Link: http://www.popeater.com/2010/02/19/ja...

In a new commercial for the return of Leno to 'Tonight,' they clearly use the ad not just as a reminder that Jay's back at a new time after the Olympics, but to claim that Conan never belonged there in the first place. Ugh, NBC!!!!

The Best Links:

1. See The Ad Here

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Bless sweet victor Sadie , but PETA would probably have rather seen chopped meat take the prize at Westminster over a purebreed. And by “chopped meat,” we mean boneless, gluten-free tofurkey. (P.S. I love my mutt !)

The Best Links:

1. My Mutt Was On Cute Overload! Take THAT, AKC!

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John Mayer slow jams his apology for being a douchebag. Around 2:25 he almost breaks into tears. [ Ed Note : APOLOGY NOT ACCEPTED.]

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This controversial ad from Focus on the Family leaked a little early today. Gotcha Media

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Star of this year's Super Bowl ads: The emasculated man! Luckily, there are products on hand to help him regain his masculinity from the women.

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Sarah Palin took some time during the much-maligned Tea Party conference last night to make fun of Obama for using a teleprompter. And then this happened. (Full story at PoliticsUSA .)

The Best Links:

1. Palin’s Tea Party Crib Notes (Pictures)
2. Did Palin write the answers to Tea Party Convention questions on her hand?
3. Sarah Palin’s Hand Gets Job Done
4. Sara Palin’s Tea Party Hand Job Notes! [PIC]
5. VINTAGE PALIN MOMENT: Sarah Palin Reads Answers off of Her Hand
6. Was that writing on Palin’s palm in Nashville?
7. In Full: Palin’s Tea Party Speech (Video)

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