1. Your family and friends begin to worry about you.
Surely the only person who can sit and watch shows about murders for hours at a time is…a murderer. Right?
2. You’d also kind of like to visit some famous crime scenes.
If you ever find someone who wants to do a crime tour on a first date? Instant marriage.
3. When you meet someone new, you can’t help but wonder if they’re secretly a serial killer.
If you know anything, it’s that plenty of serial murderers seem normal — at first.
4. You get deliriously happy when new Investigation Discovery shows are announced.
IT’S CHRISTMAS AND I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW IT!
5. And you plan your entire life around their debuts.
Sorry, can’t go out tonight. “I Killed Everybody” is coming on at 9 and I’m having a watch party. With snacks. By myself.
6. This is your family when they catch you watching yet another true crime program:
YES, MOM, AGAIN.
7. And this is how you feel when your family and friends complain about how often you watch true crime stuff:
YES THERE ARE OTHER THINGS ON BUT I HAVE TO FIND OUT WHO KILLED THIS MAN’S FAMILY ON CHRISTMAS EVE, WHAT KIND OF MONSTER DOES THAT?
8. You can’t handle it when you’re watching something really good and someone dares reach for the remote:
DON’T. Just don’t.
9. And you get super frustrated when kids come in the room and you have to change the channel.
Go watch Dora somewhere else!
10. Whenever you can’t reach someone, you worry that a serial killer got them.
Just like in that episode of “I Killed Everybody!” :(
11. You know you shouldn’t watch that stuff right before you go to sleep, but you just can’t help it.
12. But you can’t help it!
This stuff is better than and scarier than fiction because IT’S NOT FICTION!