1. This bed sheet is completely out of control.
3. This sheet isn’t particularly interested in your personal happiness.
4. This man is laying down because that sheet punched him in the face for no reason.
HE DIDN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING.
5. While we’re at it, comforters are pretty awful, too.
6. This comforter and this mug need to hold hands and kick rocks together.
Kick rocks right to the edge of the earth.