24 Terrible Problems Anybody With A Naturally Sarcastic Voice Will Understand

Sarcastic Resting Voice is the new Bitchy Resting Face.

1. This is your struggle: no matter what you say, it always sounds sarcastic.

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2. You’re not actually being sarcastic – but everybody thinks you are.

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3. Everything you say sounds insincere.

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4. You try to give someone a compliment and they think you’re being mean.

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5. Everybody at work thinks you’re always criticising their ideas when you’re actually praising them.

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6. You’ve learned to never, ever tell people you like their new outfit.

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7. When waiters ask you how you’re enjoying your meal, you always sound like you feel physically sick.

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So they try to take your lovely food away.

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8. And when the hairdresser asks you if your haircut looks OK, it sounds like you hate it.

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So they don’t believe you and decide to cut more off.

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9. Eventually you try to compensate for your sarcastic voice by being REALLY ENTHUSIASTIC.

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10. “I love it! This is brilliant! This is the best thing in the world ever!”

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11. But this just makes you sound even more sarcastic.

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12. It often seems easier to just stop saying anything at all.

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13. But then people think you’re being sarcastically silent.

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14. Your friends have learned to compensate for your sarcastic voice.

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15. Unfortunately this means that any time you actually try to be sarcastic, they think you’re being serious.

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16. So you end up with a reputation for really liking things you actually hate.

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17. First dates are a nightmare.

“I had a really good time” always sounds like you mean “I never want to see your terrible face again.”

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18. Saying anything heartfelt is just really awkward.

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19. And sexy talk is just… no.

“Oh yeah, you’re so hot!” “Screw you.”

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20. And it’s impossible to say “I love you” without sounding dishonest.

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21. No matter how sincere and passionate you try to sound.

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22. It always comes across like you’re probably having an affair or something.

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23. And let’s not even mention how awkward saying wedding vows would be.

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“To love, honour, and obey?”

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24. But in the end, it’s your voice…and you learn to love it.

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Haha yeah right.

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Tom Phillips is the UK editorial director for BuzzFeed and is based in London.
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