1. This is your struggle: no matter what you say, it always sounds sarcastic.
2. You’re not actually being sarcastic – but everybody thinks you are.
3. Everything you say sounds insincere.
4. You try to give someone a compliment and they think you’re being mean.
5. Everybody at work thinks you’re always criticising their ideas when you’re actually praising them.
6. You’ve learned to never, ever tell people you like their new outfit.
7. When waiters ask you how you’re enjoying your meal, you always sound like you feel physically sick.
So they try to take your lovely food away.
8. And when the hairdresser asks you if your haircut looks OK, it sounds like you hate it.
So they don’t believe you and decide to cut more off.
9. Eventually you try to compensate for your sarcastic voice by being REALLY ENTHUSIASTIC.
10. “I love it! This is brilliant! This is the best thing in the world ever!”
12. It often seems easier to just stop saying anything at all.
13. But then people think you’re being sarcastically silent.
14. Your friends have learned to compensate for your sarcastic voice.
15. Unfortunately this means that any time you actually try to be sarcastic, they think you’re being serious.
16. So you end up with a reputation for really liking things you actually hate.
17. First dates are a nightmare.
“I had a really good time” always sounds like you mean “I never want to see your terrible face again.”
19. And sexy talk is just… no.
“Oh yeah, you’re so hot!” “Screw you.”
20. And it’s impossible to say “I love you” without sounding dishonest.
22. It always comes across like you’re probably having an affair or something.
23. And let’s not even mention how awkward saying wedding vows would be.
“To love, honour, and obey?”
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