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The 15 Types Of Couples You See In Restaurants On Valentine’s Day

Which will you be? Illustrations by Shitty Watercolour.

1. The couple who are obviously office colleagues having a secret affair.

2. The couple who clearly just had a massive argument.

3. The couple who are on a big night out.

4. The couple who would much rather be having sex right now.

5. The couple who thought Valentine’s Day would be a great occasion for a first date.

6. The couple who are frazzled first-time parents.

7. The couple who you suspect are in a, er, “mutually beneficial relationship.”

8. The couple who brought a friend with them because the restaurant had a special deal to try to fill up larger tables.

9. The couple who’ve been married for 40 years and are resentful about this.

10. The couple who’ve been married for 40 years and are OK with this.

11. The couple who are actually just friends.

12. The couple with a smartphone widow.

13. The mutually smartphoning couple (grumpy version).

14. The mutually smartphoning couple (contented version).

15. And the weird couple who spend all their time being judgy about other couples.